January 31
TRUST
My sponsor always says, “You can trust people to be who they
are.” I am a different being in
relationship to different people. To
some, I am the center of their constellation, the sun burning bright; I’m all
they can see. To others, I am the moon,
orbiting them, silent and dedicated.
With another group, I am a comet streaking through the sky, seldom seen
but well remembered. For many, I am a
distant star, one among the multitude, blending in the night with the other
signs. Then, there are the folks who see
me in a more down to earth way. I am the
dirt beneath their feet. The farmers see
me as a plant to be tended. The cowboys
view me as a horse to be broken. To
fishermen, I’m a catch. I am what people
want to see, so what can I trust them to be?
Wrapped in their own worlds? Yes,
mostly, I guess. None of my business in
the end. I watch them and learn what I
want to do, who I want to be, in large part, by avoiding what I see them
do. I do trust people to serve as bad
examples often and good ones infrequently, and for each of them to see me through
their own filter, if they see me at all.
From me, they can expect the same.
Find a corner,
then pitch a tent.
*
The Was and the Is
The Silent Scream that existed as a placeholder
for my G-d was incomprehensible to me.
I entered AA and was informed
that understanding my Higher Power was required
not just some far distant goal.
In true alcoholic form my first move was to shun G-d.
This made room for my rage
which was in much need of the space.
After a few fine years of dissipation
I lost interest in incendiary devices
no matter how large their detonation capacity.
Having cleared the room I brought in G-d as potted plant.
I talked to it occasionally, watered and fed it, mostly
ignored it.
Growing in spite of lacking ministrations
G-d was an unobtrusive force living in the corner
changing gas into air and demanding nothing.
As I quelled my apprehension and lived with the Presence
I looked, listened, probed and questioned
the subtle Force sharing the room.
“Add it up,” chanted the children in my ear,
“run the numbers, settle the accounts.”
I calculated proofs and discarded the faulty and
inaccurate.
What was left, the whole, not the remainder was mine to
keep,
But it was not everything.
I haven’t an everything G-d,
because I am not a nothing person.
I am something and G-d is something too.
We are complimentary,
like pairs of angles who come full circle.
You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane
and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault