Renting Joy

July 4

RENTING JOY

I cannot buy happiness.  No matter how much money I spend, how hard I work, I can never pay bliss off on lay away.  The angles of escape for glee are phenomenal.  I see runaway emotions and must concede ownership.  When opportunities arise for satisfaction I pay the fare and take the trip.  The boat isn’t mine to keep but the tour is forever in my heart.  I can’t take it home to bury it in the yard.  Like a wild thing I can leave joy where I find it.  I never need to cage or bind it.  I need to enjoy each measure while the music plays.  I remunerate for time in proximity; delight arrives and stays as long as it likes.  I linger at the table and enjoy my dessert.  Leasing elation is an occasion of celebration.  Living moment to moment has given me this chance.  So, I take it.

Copy your favorite shape.

*

What is at the Eye of the Storm?

Serenity is the alignment of three knowledges

1. Knowing that I am not without skill, talent, gifts.

2.Knowing that I am not without community,

connection, comfort.

3.Knowing that I am not without God,

whether or not I believe God is able to intervene.

When I am in full or even partial possession of these three

I am safe from storm, or no drought,

or no fiery hairy pestilence.

Without this knowledge everything is

storm, drought and pestilence,

no matter what anyone else says or all evidence to the contrary.

I will make my own mess when bereft.

I will pay a large price for ignoring the facts

and the lion’s share of this loss is loss of my serenity

Liberty Hope?

July 3

LIBERTY HOPE?

If you had to choose, would it be liberty or hope?  Liberty is highly recommended, but without hope, how would you know you were at liberty?  Transversely if you have no liberty, how could you have hope?  Removal of liberty removes the possibility of hope.  So, why ask for a choice to be made?  Well, that’s the joy of liberty.  I am free to ask anything and you are free to imagine anything and hope for more.

Plan a diet for your fears.

*

Tyler’s Truth

The snow is dying,

pouring itself into the creeks and riverbeds.

sacrificing its crystalline structure and community

for the ubiquitous oneness of liquid.

drawn by the gravitational lure of the ocean.

Unity conquers the frozen individuated whole.

pulled from coast to coast the sun tempts the water’s life,

the sea gives up her soul to the sky

to be reborn as snow once more.

Currency of Fear

July 2

CURRENCY OF FEAR

Fear pays the way for my disease to enter.  Once inside fear seats itself front and center.  Fear is the currency that allows entry to the far reaches.  The coinage is ancient and steeped in tradition.  There is no time or place that hasn’t been moneyed with fear and its derivatives.  I can’t hide from it so my job must be to educate fear.  Fear is real and has a place as protector and warning.  But fear expands with ignorance and devalues the purpose of caution.  Fear cannot buy safety, though I can use it to pay the toll across the bridge to balance.

Speckle your tongue with new words.

*

Origins

At the root of it all is darkness.

The place from which I grow,

the structure that holds me fiercely upright,

is pressed on all sides by dirt.

When I get right down to it the ethereal leaves

and twigs, even the branches, do not exist,

except for my foundation in the composted death

and recycled life; the ground.

For is it God who rains down from the heavens

light and water or is God truly living

at the center of the earth,

warming my toes and securing me to what is real.

The Poodle

July 1

THE POODLE

Those pointed toes, slender legs carry her across my outstretched mid.  What a blessing to be sober long enough to have never done any unseemly or frightful thing which might have caused apprehension in this firefly of a dog.  I read until she lays her neck over my mouth for her kisses and ear rubs.  She is the center of the universe and I needn’t compete.  I am content to serve as resting place and nursemaid.  I no longer look to be everyone’s pet.  I can pamper and indulge this little one.  She has the whole stage to herself.  I can be her faithful audience having given up my farce.

Carry a picture of you in your wallet.

*

Trouble with Geometry

You are not allowed to get into trouble on purpose,

that’s the rule and if you do

you will get no sympathy that’s the corollary.

Life is too hard to go looking for trouble.

Running toward danger,

whining about self-inflicted pain.

The unspoken law of risk taking

is that failure is dealt with in silence.

Writhing on the ground

after sticking your head in a hornet’s nest,

leaves me and the world I know

to be speechless in your presence.

I know you desire consolation from me.

All I know to say is that your actions

are incongruent with your life.

Smog

June 30

SMOG

When I burn out, the smoke affects everyone in the surrounding area.  I forget to keep my wick trimmed and lamp full; I empty out and my light grows dim. I am responsible for maintenance and upkeep.  If I don’t protect my own radiance I will lose it and the darkness will be felt throughout the neighborhood.  I can’t risk the death of illumination or incur smoldering haze.  Fortification of my sobriety is a simple task if I make proper use of resources.  When I turn energy to obligation I am distracted and separated from my source, then the source I am to others is extinguished.  I can only light the darkness where I am; I can’t illuminate someone else’s path.  Nor should I pollute the way with smoke and vapor due to a lapse in my spiritual condition. 

Place the period then write to it.

*

From Mind to Pen to Paper

What a relief to have exteriorized all the swirl of thought,

which normally swarms my mind,

waiting to take the stage and run through their numbers.

Then like deciphering a code

I was able to cross out all the irrelevant and redundant information,

leaving me with a clear answer.

Once there standing on its own;

it was obvious and easily explained

how two plus three is five.

I just love anything that can be explained all on one hand

and there it was tidy and neatly fitted in the nest of my palm,

easy to grasp hold of with my fingers or my mind.

Heat Exchange

June 29

HEAT EXCHANGE

I stand in the shower and let the water run.  The water carries away my temperature in exchange for its own.  I leave the enclosure restored.  Mentally, a meeting does this for me.  I change hot topics for more moderate positions, cold indifference for warm regard.  Stepping into a group of my fellows carts off my excess ego and flushes my pride.  Isolation is taken and camaraderie left in its place.  I am always changed by standing amid the rush of sober minds and faithful service.  Balance comes from proximity and willingness.  Everything is reduced to letting myself get wet.

Measure your growth on a doorpost.

*

Exercising Futility

Asking the confused for explanation

is like asking a blind man the color of the sea.

It isn’t that he couldn’t tell you,

but how could you be sure?

To exercise futility is more than just a game

or the words to a song

your mother sings when lost or far away.

To take the fish out of water

and train it on a bike is meaner than I need to be,

but isn’t it my right?

Just to do things because they can be done

or try them because they can’t

is more the worse for everyday a tragedy in pants.

Puzzle out the little things and practice when you can,

for putting on the frazzled mind

is cruel to the poor sweet-hearted sot.

Onion

June 28

ONIONS

“I heard people in meetings sharing about peeling onions.  They said they peel layer after layer until it’s all gone!  What the hell is that all about?"  I demanded in the general direction of my sponsor.

“Zealotry, it’s about zealotry.  I peel my onions too.  I have many layers of dried up, paper-thin, rhetoric that I use to protect myself.  I have to slit this papery husk and eject myself from the illusion to get at the living and vital usefulness underneath.”

“Then what?”

“Then I try to let God decide where is the best place to add my flavor.  Stew is good but salad is a treat.  I can go anywhere once the waste is stripped away.” 

“What about the issues you haven’t worked out yet?"  I bait my sponsor.

“Well, those are other onions,” is all she would say.

Allow a child to make you laugh.

*

Halfway Home

Too far to turn back to the origin,

not quite close enough to my destination;

I am halfway home.

I sometimes forget where I have come from,

forget too where I’m bound.

I gently remind myself I’m making progress

no matter what I know.

I am not where I started,

not where I am going,

but I am not without.

There is plenty to do and much to look forward to.

I lift my feet one at a time, left then right.

I try to keep the steps equally spaced,

to prevent past curves and circles.

Lost is not as bad as it sounds

though I do dream of clarity,

stone -free shoes

and a home cooked meal when I arrive.