Bummed

April 22

Bummed

I accept change like coins slipped into a cup that sits beside me on the curb; never did it occur to me that I look in need of pity or alms from strangers; which is to say I don’t accept much these days, yet I do not fight it either. I keep my head down when I can no longer fend off the inevitable. I may not win control or compliance, might not remain strong enough to fight another day, but this too is a blessing somehow. A laying down of arms and money in my pocket makes the world a funny place to endure when I’m living in the tiny room in my head. What good news it would be if I learned to throw the windows open and let the day take me, though this time it’s G-d that needs to wear the ear muffs and lead me through the coldness of change. On my own I just walk further down the blind alleys and fold myself on this sidewalk in exhaustion. I don’t like the tea or the sympathy, but I don’t think I would mind if G-d took me in.

Alphabetize your expectations

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HOLD CARD

My bottom pulled my hold card to the tabletop

I turned it over and found I have a bit of value

Each time I turned over my will

My value increased.

After many spins, the face cards appear

I’m the Jack, the Queen, the King

I revel in the times and practice it has taken to get here

I play my hand and take my chances

I have been privileged to pair with wonderful sober partners

Who turn themselves over and transform before my eyes

The years raise the anti

And I play close to my chest

The stakes are high

And if I turn in the wrong direction

I can be the Joker once again.