Regeneration

July 10

REGENERATION

When I am grabbed by the extremity of my thinking I drop my mind like a reptilian tail.  My feet believe they are in no need of my brain in order to run; independent flight is the action of the day.  Far from the time and place of my dissection I find regrowth the problem to be solved.  Unlike a salamander’s toe, can I generate my wits to their former ability or must I live out my existence with a docked psyche?  My desire curls like a python but dreams of becoming the phoenix.

Smile at your orange wedges.

*

Let God Do What?

I hesitate to let go to God because

I fear that God doesn’t like me, or likes me now,

but doesn’t like me all the time.

I think I got this belief from being the only child

of parents who don’t like children.

It never mattered how good I was,

how smart or thoughtful, well informed, helpful,

I always ended up being treated like I was a burden,

someone to be endured.

If only I was likeable, I would think to myself

and try recreating me to become….what?

Finally I settled on indispensable,

if I could make myself necessary,

then my life would be okay.

People would need me therefore they would want me.

What I discovered is that people who can’t live without me

end up resenting me, by the time I was so important to others

I was no longer important to me, so I didn’t need God’s help

because I didn’t need anything, I didn’t exist.

Over time what I have settled on are a few truths:

People who don’t like kids shouldn’t have them.

And I need God’s help to learn how to want to be here on this planet

since I was not brought to earth by people who wanted me.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life