Lathhouse

January 22

Lathhouse

I want to face the sun.  I want to stand and the wind to blow.  I want the rain uninterrupted on my head.  I want to remain upright and unburnt, to prevail amidst it all.  Tender stalks and verdant leaves frustrate my anti-social streak.  I want to bear the worst without cover or assistance but here I am in the slanted shade of this dynasty.  As I grow so does the awareness that even when I am strong enough to leave this sheltered abode I will be relocated to a row where I am never alone.

Dream of a way to paddle a round boat.

*

THE PRIVILEGE OF SUN RISE

I awake happily at 5:30.
I will again see the show beyond compare
In stark contrast to the mornings
I filled with moping or sober angst,
Shades of the same dark color.
I shuck my covers
Bathing and dressing with purpose
And propel myself forward.
I hate to miss the first act.
Dawn
The tint of clouds dusky and sweet
I'm on my route
I start my open eyed prayer.
For all those living at the hands of an addict
Be with them---Please
For the addicts
Help us all to fail----Fast
I scan the horizon
Checking all the views
I reflect on the striking change,
Earth bound green and gold
Sky held pink, orange and blue.
The silhouettes of trees exquisitely lit from behind.
The sweet moon sharing the sunrise with me
Add to the pleasure of my drive.
I start my gratitude list.
Beginning with my sobriety
Each moment.
The people, The life,
The thinking, The feeling
And my ability
To share it all
With You

Vlog:  http://youtu.be/00eiIsaotPc

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Maniacs on Pogo Sticks

January 3

Maniacs on Pogo Sticks

I fear maniacs on pogo sticks peeping through my rural second story windows as the smoke of paranoia curls between my ears.  Overestimating my interest to others causes me as much harm as the underestimation. Attributing super powers to onlookers is a parlor trick my ego plays to keep me occupied while my life passes by.  I sacrifice all my possibilities for fear of what could be stolen through my keyhole.  I cut off my face to spite my poor lonely nose.  I must move forward in spite of my disquietude for the future lay ahead, yet I do console myself that it is harder to hit a moving target.

Use honey to get the peas to stick to your knife

~

DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GOING TO THE CIRCUS

I show up at a meeting
I didn't know the circus was in town
I expected calm, demure, sober behavior
My expectations were dashed, my bubble burst.

There were people streaming back and forth in front of the speaker
There were kids playing among the chairs
Smokers worked the meeting in shifts
Hustling out the back door and smoldering back in.

The side conversations rivaled the main attraction
People dressed for the street not the meeting, the bibby shirt, tights and no skirt
Was more of a high-wire act then I had ever seen before
Shock cannot even begin to describe the state of my mind.

"But for the grace of God" said my sponsor
"No" I said "It's a choice, they're sober now."
"Oh yes" she remarked "Weren't you sober when you took on
Every man with time, looking for a fight with each of them?"

"I was cutting my chops. They understood."
"Some of them didn't." said she
"Weren't you sober when you dyed your hair red - but only half?"
" I was afraid I'd dye my scalp, so I started lower."

"Yes, but aren't you the one who says sudden hair color change
Is a sign of instability in sobriety?"
"Yes, I do." I replied
"I think you would have fit in well with the circus.
You and your two tone hair but you didn't hear it from me."
"You're mean."
"And what are you being?"
"Judgmental."

"That's my girl, what are we going to do about it?"
"Be grateful, grateful I got in quick enough
Grateful people let me work things out in these rooms.
Grateful I still have something to learn from everyone. GRATEFUL."

Vlog: http://youtu.be/WLX_uTL2hao

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

The Sculptor

April 4

THE SCULPTOR

I'm stuck in a block; my sponsor chips away at me.  I struggle to hold still.  With surgical precision, she cuts through the debris with which I have surrounded myself.  After my sponsor frees my hand and arm, she places a hammer in my open fingers.  When the other arm and hand are rescued, she places a chisel in that hand.  This is how, before my head showed above the surface, I began to help in my own restoration.  I am the sculptor the program has made me.  Recovery has taught me I can be anything if I keep chipping away at the things that hold me hostage.  As time travels on, I am a new shape with each turn through the steps and have an ever-lustrous finish with every application of the traditions.

Everything has its own intelligence and you do, too.

*

Please Sir

Gratitude is a thing which collects and solidifies,

it’s pink and I can walk around on it.

Some days it is a broad highway

and other times a winding spindling track.

Ever present if I am mindful

gratitude roots out pests and pestilence

while planting a garden beyond my dreams.

Gratitude is like handholding

it warms and strengthens me, k

keeps me connected to real life

and reassures me that I am not alone.

Many days I find a way to make a face and pout,

plundering the rich rewards of sobriety

for the thin gruel of discontent,

Poke me with a stick on these days

and remind me who I am,

for I am never Oliver even if I feel a little twist.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

And This is for What?

February 3

AND THIS IS FOR WHAT?

I smiled down on God and said, “This is pretty and what is it for?”

“Oh, that’s your life.  It is a surprisingly useful thing to have.”  My Higher Power, like my sponsor, thinks she is funny but she is not.

“What am I supposed to do with it?”

“Who do you think I am, your mother, your Grandpa Joe, your guidance counselor?  I put all the possibilities in you then I let the wind blow.  What would be the fun of coming here if I gave it to you all mapped out?  Did it occur to you the reason people say ‘you are right where you are supposed to be’ is because you did the things that brought you here, not Me, and if you don’t like it here you are the one who needs the motivation to change it.”

“Take my life............Please.”

“You are such a comedian!”

“No, that’s your department, and could you stop tending your garden for five minutes and give me your attention?”

“I don’t need to give you that kind of attention.  You bloom on your own.”

Age with curiosity.

*

The Inside Half

I have drunk deeply from the glass set before me.

I’m not entirely sure that I am half way through,

but I am into it a goodly bit.

I would be happy to have another 19 years;

nineteen more hours would be a gift, too.

That glass might be half empty

but I am at least half full and I am amazed!

I am regularly stunned by the prodigies

this half trek has born to term;

equally dazzled by how quickly the generations

compound in this painstaking construction.

Development both internal and assembled

surpasses my wildest imaginings.

Amazement is my most constant companion,

more than gratitude

and as of late even outstripping willingness

my most trusted ally.

Shock has been replace by wonder,

bewilderment with surprise,

I am fortified with these feeling realities

and look happily to finishing the rest

of what is in that glass.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Hey Little Sister

December 29

Hey Little Sister

Who pulls the trigger, you or I, in this Shotgun relationship?   Is it more to the point if you slit my throat or if I slit my own?  I only ask for the sake of expedience, rudeness was never my intent.  I know we both wish this dilemma resolved with due speed and precision where possible.  I am not as concerned with my survival as much as neatness all around.  I hate to leave you with a mess and I would tuck my tail and go, but I have tried that before and still we end up here, so let’s end this shall we and hope that there are better worlds than this to find after we have shattered the sugar egg we used to live in.

Tend your human ivory

*

I AM

I am unloved though most everyone loves me

I am unwanted though there are those who stand in line

I am unknown though people who’ve met me never forget

I am unconscious though I seem awake

Because today it is about how I feel not what is real

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Stumbling Under the Tenth Step

April 10

Stumbling Under the Tenth Step

When I’ve been outside of my mind it is so hard to tell when I’ve come home again.  The landmarks take on such distortion in memory that the facts seem bloated or anorexic as I turn my face from side to side.  Old journals remind me of old journeys and perhaps there are accurate landmarks mentioned, but how can I know for sure that these too are not just the ravings of a mind gone mad.  Real or imagined I must take the daily count and try to keep the score in favor of the actual.  I don’t always know that I’ve fallen until I inventory the dirt on my face, but better that I face the dirt than live the delusion of a mole.

Notice the shape of your fixtures

*

DROWNING NAKED

Bare & Exposed

I laid myself on the alter

Of my home group

AA, my only Source

I emptied the contents of my soul

And bore the mantle of overexposure

But vultures lurked in many rooms

I was safely guided by persons of my gender

To more secluded and effective place of transmission

I thrust myself into the arms and mind of my sponsor

She escorts me to the steps with the door closed

And taught me how and when it could be prudently opened

AA is a power greater than me, so is the ocean

Precaution needs to be taken when wading in

Care must be exercised as to how much to bare.

And Gratitude

January 31

Principles before Personalities............and gratitude!

As with everything I have to be careful of how I infer meaning.  You say ‘Principles before Personalities’ and I hear, Their principles and Their personalities, immediately I’m on a tear.  How different if I think of ‘my’ principles and ‘my’ personality.  When I face it this way it is reflexive; I embrace my principles and my personality falls into step.  I am safe and sane therefore gratitude follows just as the topic suggests.  Good orderly direction is elegant when I don’t reverse direction.  There is an obvious way to pet the cat when I accept that we get along fine, when I don’t………well, need I say more?

Books open minds, music opens hearts

*

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

I'm sure it will come soon
A time I can be carefree, innocent.
Worn and weary, I slog through the painful
Over awareness of what was considered my childhood.
What can I do but hope things will get simpler as I age.

My sobriety takes years from my face.
Lines slip from me and I feel the weight lift from my shoulders.
My tender branches twisted with the constant force of wind
Bud and flower in the shelter of recovery
Holding them in their own embrace.

Colors seep to the windows of my mind
Forming pictures and carrying me to a new world.
Limpid pools, a place I dive, as I look to the mirror.
Serenity a rebounding of life fills me
And I am the gentle girl I missed so long.

Longing for my loveliness, I cry at the sight of my baby one.
I have not yet taken my place on the swing
But I have been down to the edge of the playground
And run barefoot in the sand.
I will be who I was to be, it's late but it's better.

I know well enough
To enjoy it as it comes
Treasure it for every sweetness.
I will come into my youth

The Privilege of Sun Rise

October 22

THE PRIVILEGE OF SUN RISE

I wake, happily, at 5:30.  I will again see the show beyond compare.  In stark contrast to the mornings I filled with moping or sober angst, shades of the same dark color, I shuck my covers, bathing and dressing with purpose, and propel myself forward.  I hate to miss the first act.  Dawn, the tint of clouds dusky and sweet.  I’m on my route; I start my open-eyed prayer.  For all those living at the hands of an addict, Be with them.  Please.  For the addicts, help us all to fail fast.

I scan the horizon, checking all the views.  I reflect on the striking change, earthbound green and gold, sky held pink, orange and blue.  The silhouettes of trees exquisitely lit from behind, the sweet moon sharing the sunrise with me, add to the pleasure of my drive.  I start my gratitude list.  Beginning with my sobriety...each moment, the people, the life, the thinking, the feeling, and my ability to share it all with you.

Don’t become overly fond of nothingness for it may consume you.

*

Jacks

Born crazy, is that better than becoming deranged?

Do birth affects excuse my unrepentant glee?

Does irrepressible sardonic wit

explain the order of restless exposition?

Can you count on Cicadic enthusiasm to carry me,

or flightless fancy to keep me down?

I am beyond redemption, beyond reception, beyond device.

I arrived riddled with chaotic cracks,

but I am more than just a glaze

and deep down I’m more than sound,

So walk with my wild side

and your thoughts I’ll rearrange.

Smarts

September 18

SMARTS

Intelligence should be used as a tool not a weapon.  Intelligence is as common as silica and can be used to do anything, so, why not as a helping hand, lifeline, foothold?  Intelligence doesn’t preclude ignorance, arrogance or stupidity.  Nor does it eliminate selfishness, greed or anarchy.  Intelligence is not a substitute for wisdom and cannot hold a candle to kindness.  Intelligence makes things possible, help and hurt; intention makes the decision.  Intelligence is like a hand full of sand.

Pair your books for companionship.

*

Buffoon

Never juggle knives and butter at the same time

or you will just spread your problems around.

Passing on the knives is the first best idea,

leaving the butter in the dish is the second.

I have gotten many funny schemes into my brain;

gotten them in with ease,

it is the getting them out of my brain I struggle with.

Crowbars and coercion have been my favored tools;

ineffective though they may be, I am persistent,

while wishing to be dexterous.

It took me years to realize the problem with juggling is

that it begins with me throwing things

and ends with disaster if I can’t catch it all.

What slips through my fingers

through daily living is hard enough

what I throw into the fray for showmanship is, too much.

I needn’t be the fool flinging my pins

when my goal is to stay on them.

Button Box

January 26

BUTTON BOX

I go to my button box to sort out my life. I lay out matching sets, the various sizes, shapes and colors. Coat buttons are commanding but unsuitable for the delicate places. The tiny pearl buttons with shanks pull my attention but work well only on silk. The metal, shell, and horn buttons come from such far off places and all end up here crossing my table, as I try to see clearly how to stick with the winners.

I know the people represented in this box, the strong, the loud, the beautiful. I know the weak, the unique, the ones of special circumstances and occasion. I come to the realization the simple ones, the buttons sewn on the inside, the ones who silently give strength and support to the large and small alike, the ones which come in every shade and size, which match their ability to the service they can render others, these are my favorites. They make secure all the things I love and trust in sobriety. Flat and unobtrusive, these buttons hold fast the fabric of my life.

Name your pens and pencils.

*

Responding to Response

Thankfully I’m not in charge

of what is so freely given in this program.

I want it to be available,

but I want gratitude to be the universal response.

At first I thought I couldn’t understand

how anyone could hold this gift in their hands

and not feel grateful,

truth is I know exactly how that’s done

and I don’t want to look at that ugly thing.

“Cunning, Baffling, Powerful”

But they left out how repulsive it is,

maybe they didn’t want to see it either,

or thought it was self-explanatory.

No matter which,

I’m glad I am not the arbiter

of the flowing fount that is recovery,

I might have been tempted to cap and meter it,

killing all the beauty and wild randomness

that makes it real and true.

I despair that others don’t recover as I recover

and yet I am relieved that I didn’t have to drink as they drank.

I have to see those around me well enough

to stay out of their traps or follow their leads,

whichever is appropriate,

but I don’t have to adjudicate their reply.

Principles before Personalities.......and gratitude!

January 31

Principles before Personalities............and gratitude!

As with everything I have to be careful of how I infer meaning. You say ‘Principles before Personalities’ and I hear, Their principles and Their personalities, immediately I’m on a tear. How different if I think of ‘my’ principles and ‘my’ personality. When I face it this way it is reflexive; I embrace my principles and my personality falls into step. I am safe and sane therefore gratitude follows just as the topic suggests. Good orderly direction is elegant when I don’t reverse direction. There is an obvious way to pet the cat when I accept that we get along fine, when I don’t………well, need I say more?

Books open minds, music opens hearts

*

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

I'm sure it will come soon
A time I can be carefree, innocent.
Worn and weary, I slog through the painful
Over awareness of what was considered my childhood.
What can I do but hope things will get simpler as I age.

My sobriety takes years from my face.
Lines slip from me and I feel the weight lift from my shoulders.
My tender branches twisted with the constant force of wind
Bud and flower in the shelter of recovery
Holding them in their own embrace.

Colors seep to the windows of my mind
Forming pictures and carrying me to a new world.
Limpid pools, a place I dive, as I look to the mirror.
Serenity a rebounding of life fills me
And I am the gentle girl I missed so long.

Longing for my loveliness, I cry at the sight of my baby one.
I have not yet taken my place on the swing
But I have been down to the edge of the playground
And run barefoot in the sand.
I will be who I was to be, it's late but it's better.

I know well enough
To enjoy it as it comes
Treasure it for every sweetness.
I will come into my youth