The One I Bought

June 6

THE ONE I BOUGHT

There are fairy tales I never gave credence to.  Multiple bear stories don’t move me.  Cats with footwear have not warranted a second thought.  True love-----now that one I still buy hook, line and sinker.  Work hard and true love will fix the rest; that is what I have always believed.  The evil spell I have walked under during my sad little life will be broken only by the durable and all-fulfilling love of my betrothed.  Each time this plan fell through, the blame was leveled at the wrongness of the match but not the wrongness of the plot.  Anytime I work to be restored to sanity by one person, I have displaced a rightful power and thrown myself to the sea.

Let a whisker width of optimism carry your day.

*

Enclosed Space

In the echo chamber it is the cymbals

which cause the most pain.

The drums resound, deep and loud,

but it is the crashing of brass that drives me wild.

Cotton, wool and sealing wax

cannot put my head at ease.

Resonate walls with their hollow effects

create the feedback loops of hurt.

Like the endless reflection of parallel mirrors

the sounds come back to me with relentless repetition.

Aural illusion might have been the idea,

but chaos is the result.

Leaving the space between these ears

will be, will allow, the band to play on

without the benefit of my torment.

What is at the Eye of the Storm?

July 6

What is at the Eye of the Storm?

Serenity is the alignment of three knowledges

1. Knowing that I am not without skill, talent, gifts.

2. Knowing that I am not without community, connection, comfort.

3. Knowing that I am not without G-d, whether or not I believe G-d is able to intervene.

When I am in full or even partial possession of these three I am safe from storm, or no, drought or no, fiery hairy pestilence and without this knowledge everything is storm, drought and pestilence, no matter what anyone else says or all evidence to the contrary. I will make my own mess when bereft. I will pay a large price for ignoring the facts and the lion’s share of this loss is loss of my serenity.

Disrupt the effectiveness of negativity

*

THE BEAR

Living with my disease is like having

A sleeping Bear in the house.

I knew it was there, could hear it snore.

I never felt comfortable or able to turn my back

On it and get on with my life.

I felt under certain threat.

Fearing the bear would wake

When my attention was elsewhere

I proceeded to poke it with a stick.

I prodded it to wakefulness

In retrospect it is clear I was unprepared

For a wakeful bear.

Even with my full attention fixed on the brute

The Bear, which is my disease, roamed about the house

And made forays out into the world.

I had no plan or tool for these events

Finding a legion of people who had worked out

Living arrangements with their Bears

I happily joined their ranks.

My Bear wakes and sleeps at its will

But I am no longer afraid or unskilled

At handling this creature

Today I am so grateful for the Bear in my life.

I would never want a life without it

I live in a world filled with Bears

And would be at a loss as how to exist

If not for the practice and success

With the Bear that is my own.