Hold Card

May 1

HOLD CARD

My bottom pulled my hold card to the table top.  I turned it over and found I have a bit of value.  Each time I turned over my will, my value increased.  After many spins, the face cards appear; I’m the Jack, the Queen, the King.  I revel in the time and practice it has taken to get here.  I play my hand and take my chances.  I have been privileged to pair with wonderful sober partners who turn themselves over and transform before my eyes.  The years raise the ante and I play close to my chest.  The stakes are high and if I turn in the wrong direction, I can be the Joker once again.

Smell your meals before you eat them.

*

Leap Day

When winter is almost at an end it becomes beautiful;

a theoretical thing, which though it may hurt you,

can not hurt you for long,

therefore is safely appreciated by mere mortals.

You don't have to beg for God's own protection,

Time has become a friend and winter only a show.

I will soon wake from this chilling fright,

will in fact thaw from it in short order

and needn’t fret though chilblains

still catch at me now and then.

I can stand at the window

admiring frost and ice formed lace;

intricate patterns whose beauty will soon be lost to me,

Put away in favor of crocus and daffodil.

The terrible loveliness of soon to pass trauma

is not lost on my hyper-vigilance

I grasp it, I just can’t seem to let it rest.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Leap Day

Leap Day

When winter is almost at an end it becomes beautiful; a theoretical thing, which though it may hurt you, can not hurt you for long, therefore is safely appreciated by mere mortals.  You don't have to beg for G-d's own protection, time has become a friend and winter only a show.  I will soon wake from this chilling fright, will in fact thaw from it in short order and needn’t fret though chilblains still catch out me now and then.  I can stand at the window admiring frost and ice formed lace; intricate patterns whose beauty will soon be lost to me, put away in favor of crocus and daffodil. The terrible loveliness of soon to pass trauma is not lost on my hyper-vigilance I grasp it I just can’t seem to let it rest.

Unseat disreputable ideas

*

WANTING

Wanting to be alive is not as important
As wanting to do right. Said my sponsor.

I don't want to be here, I half blurted, half sobbed.
I know came the reply.

Many of us come in not wanting to live
But sobriety is about living
And you want to be sober said my sponsor
Yes but I don't want to live.

This moment, this moment you don't want to live
But you still want to be sober
And you still want to do right
Yes

And that is what you will do.
You will pick up the tools
As you have done so often
And you will try everything suggested.

Then you'll see how you feel tomorrow.
What if it doesn't go away?
You'll keep it up
And see how you feel the next day.

What if I never feel better?
Ah well-----
When have you ever had anything
That dependable