Whose Oxygen Mask goes on First?

December 15

Whose Oxygen Mask goes on First?

Desperation is the fuel which forges my resentments.  When I fear for my survival, physical, emotional or financial this will turn my response to your behavior into tinder, sometimes gasoline and set our interaction ablaze; melt all which is steel strong between us and create a molten mess from which it will be a struggle to recover.  This is why, me taking good care of me, attending to my life, and quelling my fears is the very best way for me to protect you from my attitude and save me from a negative balance sheet during my 10^th step.

Ask the questions

*

DON’T BITE

Desperation jumps up--runs around--then drops.
If I don’t feed it-- desperation burns out fast.
I used to buy the advertising--the Horror--the Humanity.
The acorn falling on my head convinced me easily.

I grew this nut into terrifying despair.
Never realizing if I had left it alone
How quickly it would pass.
When tragedy comes there is no time for a performance.

The whirling splendor itself proves the farce.
If I learn to recognize these triggers
I might keep from shooting myself in the foot.
If I let desperation wear itself out
I can stay with the pack.

Despondence splinters me
And separates me from anything rational.
But quiet resolve lets me watch the wind twist
While I keep my feet on the ground.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Fine Print

April 9

FINE PRINT

I can scrawl the wall with everything I know. I can fill my books, chapter and verse, with pure and honest hope, but let me begin the precision of language and watch. My once open face becomes tight; my free associations peek regularly around each corner. Neatly painted lines are a trap with teeth laid bare. Serrations of careful craft sever my umbilical and God floats off untethered. Truth returns when I am shouting my prayers. Scrupulous observance never advances my sails. I must meet life with an open hand. The devil may not be in the details but be sure to check the fine print.

Open one eye and wink at the possibilities.

*

Stumbling Under the Tenth Step

When I’ve been outside of my mind

it is so hard to tell when I’ve come home again.

The landmarks take on such distortion in memory

that the facts seem bloated or anorexic

as I turn my face from side to side.

Old journals remind me of old journeys

and perhaps there are accurate landmarks mentioned

but how can I know for sure that these too

are not just the ravings of a mind gone mad.

Real or imagined I must take the daily count

and try to keep the score

in favor of the actual.

I don’t always know that I’ve fallen

until I inventory the dirt on my face,

but better that I face the dirt

than live the delusion of a mole.

Sweat

March 3

SWEAT

I turn the desk lamp into the eyes of God. I put question after question to the construct of my childhood concept. “Would you please explain?" Or, "Exactly why did You do this, that, or the other thing?" "Are You now or have You ever been a member of…?” I put the pressure on; the beads of perspiration join, then trickle. I have God in ‘the box.’ I will not relent.

“I don’t understand You," I say disappointedly, as if speaking to a troubling adolescent. “You have so much potential if only You would apply Yourself.” The icon shakes Its head slowly and deliberately; I shake my head, too. So much time has passed and I am no closer to embrace.

“You don’t understand Me,” says God to me. Dawn breaks; I uncuff this mythic creature.

“You are not the one I am looking for. You are free to go.”

New is neutral, not better or worse.

*

Stepping up

I look along the list of names,

look upon the sea of faces.

Are there any whose eyes I avoid?

I gaze across the landscape

are there any craters,

any pock marks, any divots.

I tick through my actions

those I’ve recently taken

checking for stubbles, glitches, snafus.

These combined facts and figures

create a portrait of my day;

I appraise the eyes, the hair, the teeth.

If I can smile at what I see

all is well if not I begin the repair.