Just a Taste of Sunshine

September 20

JUST A TASTE OF SUNSHINE

The sunrise is so beautiful I want to taste it.  Like a child who needs to put everything in her mouth to really know it, I feel the need for a bite.  I want to participate in every way.  I want to blend with the color of the sky, join the horizon and dip beyond.  Look at me, who in the past sounded every retreat, now I leap toward life.  I stretch my arms to take it all in, merging with the continuum on this greatest of adventures.  The sun raises the charge and I lick my lips in anticipation.

Find the stop signs in your life.

*

Mercy

The rearview holds the vision,

the sad figure on the corner as I drive away,

all that is left to me are memories of God,

the rest I ejected and sped from as fast as I could.

I cannot face what is left

when I make God homeless and unloved.

Though living together was tough sometimes,

living alone is unbearable.

Nothing cooks right, cleans right, tastes right or smells right,

even the moon won’t rise right when I am strictly on my own.

And God wasn’t built for the streets,

that corner is not someplace my Higher Power fits in.

We are meant to be together

and apart the world spins off its measure.

Pitiful is what I am, so I swing around the block,

fling open the door and take pity on God and go home.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Life is too Good

January 12

LIFE IS TOO GOOD

I know it sounds crazy.  Is crazy.  But I hate having the fear, the gnawing gut of “what if I can’t maintain this”?   The sober life I live, what if I get struck unable to connect to my Higher Power?  I had a spiritual awakening; what if I get spiritual narcolepsy?  My spiritual cord was cut when I was young, not by my choosing.  What if it’s cut again?

“What if this line of thinking cuts it?” asks my sponsor

I hate when she’s right.  What if this is the test?  Be like them or not.  Follow the path of the twelve steps when there is no weight of need pushing me.  I have to keep my eye on the ball for myself when everything is going in my direction.  I’m still not God.  This is the lesson the abusers never learned.  The one I have to. 

“This has been a prelude to a decision,” says she.

What decision?

“What went wrong was not bad people making bad choices in bad circumstances.  It was disconnected people making decisions without help.”

I have to stay in your pocket.  Never be a free bird.  I have to remember what true freedom is.  It’s not being cut loose.  I had that and it never felt free.

“Keep your eye on the ball; hold onto my hand.”

Read a children’s book to yourself.

*

Live Bait

Is being a taunt to others really a life?

Dangling as the cover for a hook,

luring intended and unintended to their deaths,

is that living?

Or if I draw you with my attack

rather than my appeal

is that a worthwhile existence?

If I carry myself filled with poison

praying for a strike is that anything

other than a march to an unhappy grave

for two, or more?

Hidden under an avalanche of harassment

strips me of my vital quality

and my soul loses its true nature.

I am allowed to transcend

the setup of competition and social strife.

It’s alright to be tempting with no agenda.

I could be an appetizer

if only I removed the barbs

or better yet I could be dessert.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life