If I had a Screwdriver

March 2

IF I HAD A SCREWDRIVER

If I had anything other than this hammer, possibly, I would discontinue pounding this helix into the side of my universe.  The slot is unused; the flat head of my sledge slams.  A wide void is punched into my abyss as the threads are pummeled not turned.  If I had picked up the right tools, if they had been displayed within my reach, if my granny had five wheels she might yet be a wagon. 

I have picked up new tools but, having never seen them used, I bang with them.  Watching others twisting the wrist and angling the elbow, I try to wrap my mind around the posture.  Muscles I have never used, laminated to mental configurations unthought of, improvement in workmanship is slow.  Many a fine toolbox has remained full and untouched, the mind lacking the dexterity to grasp the in-workings, the body ill-equipped for the outer.  If I had a screwdriver, I pray I could bring to it the flexibility of sinew and the nimbleness of wit.

Remember the minutes; they belong to you.

*

Reality and Desire

“I know the difference between desire and reality,”

I whisper to my new found friend.

Who I am and what I am,

are a reality unto themselves,

Your recognition of that

and how you handle said recognition

are for you and God.

The vastness of the true you;

I hope to spend a lifetime surveying;

but not sampling.

What you want and your reality

are not mine to mind or mend.

If you are driving that train this is on you

If HP is the driver all the more incentive

for me to be still, enjoy the ride and await the outcome.

For in the end the question is never,

will you be mine, but what will I be to you.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Wanting

March 1

WANTING

“Wanting to be alive is not as important as wanting to do right," said my sponsor.

“I don’t want to be here," I half blurted, half sobbed.

“I know," came the reply.  “Many of us come in not wanting to live.”

“But sobriety is about living.”

“Yes, and you want to be sober,” said my sponsor.

“But I don’t want to live.”

“This moment.  This moment you don’t want to live but you still want to be sober.  You still want to do right.”

“Yes.”

“And that is what you’ll do.  You’ll pick up the tools as you have done so often and you will try everything suggested.  You’ll see how you feel tomorrow.”

“What if it doesn’t go away?”

“You’ll keep it up and see how you feel the next day.”

“What if I never feel better?”

“Ah, well.  When have you ever had anything that dependable?”

Don’t force joy to simmer let it boil over.

*

Van and I

(Happy cleaning windows)

When the fog clears and I still can’t see,

I check my optics and wash my windows.

The mundane upkeep hones my pursuit.

After the weather and housekeeping concerns

are managed, eye exercises are next on the agenda.

I have to strengthen my equipment,

stay fit or fall prey to vagaries

of nearsighted limits or farsighted failings.

Myopia is an ever present danger

I must guard against as well.

A fixed focus is a death trap.

I must learn to track a moving target

while I wend onward.

Nothing in life is stationary;

concentration and a decent line of sight

are priceless rudiments.

Continual practice with the tools and tactics

build my confidence and sharpen wit.

Burdens are lightened

when I see my goal in stark relief;

I can chart my path and make my way.

Sobriety means if I can see it I can believe it,

so I best go get the Windex.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Wanting

March 1

WANTING

“Wanting to be alive is not as important as wanting to do right," said my sponsor.

“I don’t want to be here," I half blurted, half sobbed.

“I know," came the reply. “Many of us come in not wanting to live.”

“But sobriety is about living.”

“Yes, and you want to be sober,” said my sponsor.

“But I don’t want to live.”

“This moment. This moment you don’t want to live but you still want to be sober. You still want to do right.”

“Yes.”

“And that is what you’ll do. You’ll pick up the tools as you have done so often and you will try everything suggested. You’ll see how you feel tomorrow.”

“What if it doesn’t go away?”

“You’ll keep it up and see how you feel the next day.”

“What if I never feel better?”

“Ah, well. When have you ever had anything that dependable?”

Don’t force joy to simmer let it boil over.

*

Van and I

(Happy cleaning windows)

When the fog clears and I still can’t see,

I check my optics and wash my windows.

The mundane upkeep hones my pursuit.

After the weather and housekeeping concerns

are managed, eye exercises are next on the agenda.

I have to strengthen my equipment,

stay fit or fall prey to vagaries

of nearsighted limits or farsighted failings.

Myopia is an ever presence danger

I must guard against as well.

A fixed focus is a death trap.

I must learn to track a moving target

while I wend onward.

Nothing in life is stationary;

concentration and a decent line of sight

are priceless rudiments.

Continual practice with the tools and tactics

build my confidence and sharpen wit.

Burdens are lightened

when I see my goal in stark relief;

I can chart my path and make my way.

Sobriety means if I can see it I can believe it,

so I best go get the Windex.