Dido

June 12

Dido

Either I can have a bad relationship that I never wanted or no relationship and the painful isolation of having been lied to and deceived by someone who, in theory, should have been trustworthy. You are off to war and I am agape not having realized until too late that you are a soldier. The fact is that one of these things will occur; you will be killed by a machine which cares nothing for you and sees you as its enemy or destroyed by the organization that sees you as its own or you will throw yourself on your sword and keep from bothering anyone else with this task. There is no scenario where you are the One you promised me you’d be. No homecoming, no welcoming arms to hold me. I stand on the sidewalk a garbage pail of cold water poured over my shock and dismay. To my grief you say that you have heard it all before, so why did you set me up to say it all again? I am heart stricken and cut in a place to obvious to hide and too hidden to speak of. You have no time to talk, no aid to give, no love to spare. I thought I was yours, but see that I have been swept from your life by the flood of a large gauge hose and water of questionable origin. Everything is wet but nothing is clean. This is an unholy act and I am defeated and living in Carthage.

Forgive loneliness

*

FABULOUS

I don’t care what else is on the inventory-----

You still have to take responsibility for FABULOUS

Said my sponsor with a determined look on her face.

But you don’t understand------

The other things on the list make it impossible

For me to be FABULOUS

You can’t see how incapable I truly am, I say

As I collapse into a pathetic heap in the overstuffed chair.

What you don’t comprehend is that FABULOUS

Is not affected by your other little grumblings

You can’t tarnish FABULOUS

It doesn’t wear away with burden or neglect .

This is why no matter how far you bury it

Or misname it, or even flatly deny it

FABULOUS shines like a beacon

And you end up with every Todd, Nick and Martha

On your doorstep.

Expecting you to be who you are

And let them warm in the glow

So my cherub--you can fight it or live with it

But FABULOUS is here to stay