Suit up, Show up

March 17

Suit up, Show up

I stand naked, paralyzed, unable to reach my intended destination or any destination at all.  Goose flesh is no real motivation and I am reluctant to use the prod having only produced resistance and reversals with past applications of this weapon.  Entreatment might work if only I could find the right one; then again anything might work if it were a fit.  Covering my all-together is an action; taken judiciously it sometimes is all the arrival I can manage, taken disingenuously it precludes the chance for any further forward motion and may create set back or retreat.  I should not attempt to hide fear with wardrobe though I can try to warm it.  Façade building is best done with a bottle in tow

reality is best faced with a sponsor by my side.

Acknowledge pain, acknowledge joy

*

                                  OLD BEARS

Cold and Despondent
Nothing comforts me like the bear of early sobriety

Bought on a day I thought I would shake apart
This fuzzy old guy has been a display item,
For many years now,
Tucked to the corner with the lace edged pillows and folded shawls.

Jittery and Sleepless
It's easy to panic.

I turn and see the amber eyes waiting for my embrace
His body clothed in a hand knit child's sweater made by a friend
The warmth of this snuggle is more than comfort
It is also the acceptance of loss.

Quelling the dramatic highs and lows of the beginning cost many things
And the depth of this is not lost in the moment.

Alone in my bed the passageways to the future appear to me
I must rest and then walk on
I cannot stall or simper, plain work is before me
And simple old bears a consolation.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Memorial Day

May 27

MEMORIAL DAY

Veteran of the addiction wars, I have scars but few medals.  I don’t need a purple heart, mine is black and blue.  I don’t keep trophies either, no empty bottles or old syringes.  Hostages, I have released them, too.  I found often they held me from what my life could be.  I wear my defects and wave my flag.  I am slowly learning to live in peacetime.  The big battles have been won; it is up to me to stop replaying the scenes of engagement.  Armistice is a beautiful thing; too bad there is no better way to get to it.

Write the dedication page for your life.

*

Queens: More than a Borough

My drama is bigger than yours.

My drama can kick your drama’s ass.

Well maybe not, but it sure is kicking mine.

Like a rain soaked grave, I stand in this muddy hole,

sides slick, unassailable and count the piles of tragedy ,

all the while knowing it will bury me

not facilitate a climb out.

I attempt to display the face of comedy

and yet the mask can not fool me, my true audience.

I think if I can keep it all up on stage I will be alright,

But then the point of theater is

that everything is carried away

in the minds of all who come and watch.

Silence doesn’t help either

for there is little worse than a bad mime

and doing it well just makes me Lillian Gish.

So, back to Bohemia for isn’t it all a rhapsody,

though it would all be so much better

if Freddy Mercury weren’t dead.

Whose Oxygen Mask Goes on First?

December 15

Whose Oxygen Mask goes on First?

Desperation is the fuel which forges my resentments. When I fear for my survival, physical, emotional or financial this will turn my response to your behavior into tinder, sometimes gasoline and set our interaction ablaze. Melt all which is steel strong between us and create a molten mess from which it will be a struggle to recover. This is why, me taking good care of me, attending to my life, and quelling my fears is the very best way for me to protect you from my attitude and save me from a negative balance sheet during my 10^th step.

Ask the questions

*

DON’T BITE

Desperation jumps up--runs around--then drops.
If I don’t feed it-- desperation burns out fast.
I used to buy the advertising--the Horror--the Humanity.
The acorn falling on my head convinced me easily.

I grew this nut into terrifying despair.
Never realizing if I had left it alone
How quickly it would pass.
When tragedy comes there is no time for a performance.

The whirling splendor itself proves the farce.
If I learn to recognize these triggers
I might keep from shooting myself in the foot.
If I let desperation wear itself out
I can stay with the pack.

Despondence splinters me
And separates me from anything rational.
But quiet resolve lets me watch the wind twist
While I keep my feet on the ground.