October 7
FRUSTRATING IMPROVEMENT
Improvement is frustrating, lonely and yet
exhilarating. It somehow starts with
moths in the stomach and ends up with that warm soup satisfaction. Struggle, waiting, followed by further
struggle; progress is made by tugging one string then the other. It is hard to accept scaling the ropes alone,
but tottering assent is always this way.
Once at the top I realize how easily I could slide to the bottom,
sometimes friction is all that keeps me up.
Establishing a new altitude is challenging; I must ground myself in a
new way. My talents hinder and aid
me. I must open the correct doors in my
mind and avoid the traps in the floor.
Stuttering through requirements and obligations I transform but only
slowly, earning each drop of comfort from a job just done.
Think smart, speak
clearly.
*
Wasilla
I don’t appreciate those who wear ignorance
as a fashion accessory,
but then I have to work too hard,
not to wear intolerance as a badge of courage.
So what can I really say, while I’m on this topic,
what kind of game is “Playing Dumb”
where do we get with that as the vehicle?
I don’t know why grown folks
act like corralled farm animals,
nor do I comprehend the idea of salvation
through unnecessary sacrifice,
But here I am in a society riddled with it
and I try not to drink in the face of this idiocy.
this is a job for which I am unprepared.
I have spent so much time feeling my internal lacking,
that when facing the siphon created by the general public
I start looking for a glass and some ice to tinkle,
I have tried this before and it solved nothing.
I can climb under this pile of human failing
or try to crawl on top.
What I really must learn
is to look at it without a drink in my hand.
You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane
and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault
