Adjustment

February 27

Adjustment

The chase is on, round and round it goes and where it stops no one knows.  I run after control and change as I grasp, but can never quite get my fingers wrapped around the thing.  An open fist is an adjustment; no fist at all would be a feat.  The fool’s errand I send myself on brings suffering; there would be suffering anyhow, I feel I am the cause due to my attempt to avoid it; another backhanded attempt at the illusion, the goal, control.  Adjusting to reality is at first freefall; rarely do I get to second.  The shape taken by the shift in my gears to no gears at all dilates my pupils and the rest is white.  If the colors come back I don’t know when.  If the ground beneath me returns I don’t know how.  I am blinded by the light and can only follow the sound.

Stall your reticence

*

ONE IN A THOUSAND

"Did they tell you the odds when you came in?"
Asked my sponsor
Yes, One in thirty make it to the rooms
One in thirty of those stay for five years.

One in a thousand get truly sober
And are catapulted to another dimension
I responded.
"What was your response to that?"

Well, I showed the proper amount of surprise
"Yes but what did you think inside?"
I thought, Climb with me or I'll climb over you.
Not very spiritual is it?

"It worked, you're still sober.
A lot of folks aren't.
The company you keep is sober.
There is nothing less spiritual than a drunk."

Is that why it's called a selfish program?
"I don't know."
It seems to me sobriety is a gift you give the world
But I give it to myself.

"Yes, but you can't give a gift
You don't have in your possession."
Point taken.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Drowning Naked

April 19

DROWNING NAKED

Bare and exposed, I laid myself on the altar of my home group.  With AA as my only Source, I emptied the contents of my soul and bore the mantle of overexposure.  But vultures lurked in many rooms.  I was safely guided, by persons of my gender, to the more secluded and effective place of transmission.  I thrust myself into the arms and mind of my sponsor.  She escorted me up the steps with the door closed and taught me how and when it could be prudently opened.  AA is a power greater than me.  So is the ocean.  Precaution needs to be taken when wading in.  Care must be exercised as to how much to bare.

Wrap your intentions in wool to keep them warm and in gold to keep them untarnished.

*

Bound

The reason the sleeves of my disease

wrap around and tie in the back

is so that I will struggle with change.

Alcoholism is my straightjacket

and my goal is that ‘loose garment life’

I’ve heard so much about.

The sweat I work up

from railing against my confining existence

causes petulance, frothing and enervation,

Defeat is the landing on which I collapse,

acceptance a flight of steps away.

My ailment leads me to believe

I have nothing to hold onto as I adjust.

Though this isn’t true,

the fact remains that this is still

a process of letting go.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Bound

April 21

Bound

The reason the sleeves of my disease wrap around and tie in the back is so that I will struggle with change.  Alcoholism is my straightjacket and my goal is that ‘loose garment life’ I’ve heard so much about.  The sweat I work up from railing against my confining existence causes petulance.  Frothing and enervated, defeat is the landing on which I collapse, acceptance a flight of steps away.  My ailment leads me to believe I have nothing to hold onto as I adjust; and though this isn’t true, the fact remains that this is still a process of letting go.

Have a parenthetical lunch with a friend

*

PINK CLOUD

When the pink cloud lands in my valley

My task is to walk

The pleasure of its presence can never outweigh

The practice this cloud affords me.

Walking in a haze of cherry blossom lightness

The future is a blur I do not fear

Forward motion seeds my inertia

I will keep on.

When the test begins

And I must proceed in the obscurity of night

The lively steps of pink-cloud days

Will cheer and empower me.

I can imbed my future with right action

And bank the confidence I feel today

Saving it for the rain swept days which come to everyone

Progress is positive even when made in bliss.