March 20
JAG
I have the most interesting lawn ornament. It is long and sleek, low to the ground,
resting on rubber rolls, steep of side and languid front and back. It has glass, glass that slants and glass
that slips into its sides. Its paint shines
when I buff it and shows dust when I don’t.
Inside there are seats and many artistic accessories. I sit on the steps and admire the thing; then
I sit in the thing and admire the porch.
That’s all there was until I was handed the key.
Live at home.
*
When is enough, enough?
What is the difference between full and all?
Don’t know? Well,
let me tell you,”
said my sponsor with a wink.
“Full is when the broccoli that went perfectly
with the entrée leaves a pleasant smile on your face,
full is when the arrow on the gas gauge points to F,
these are little indicators of full.
Indications that you have reached all:
the wet scary feeling in your mouth
after your second piece of pie,
all is the gas pouring down the side of your car
because you have to try to squeeze more in.”
“Yes, yes,” I reply, “I know when I’ve overdone it;
I resent everyone or at least I am cranky about everything.
I know when I’m under doing it, too;
I get either a lost feeling
or the sense that I should be in charge,
but how do I really know that I am doing enough?”
“If your sponsor has a good idea of where you are
mentally, physically and spiritually;
if the people in your home group can count on you
to contribute service regularly.
If most people in most meetings know not just your face,
but also your name.
If your sponsees freely admit that you are their sponsor,
those are sure signs.
Though the biggest signal for me is how constant my contact
is.
If I’m reluctant to pray
I’m usually not doing enough of something.”
You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane
and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault
