When is enough, enough?

March 21

When is enough, enough?

“What is the difference between full and all?  Don’t know?  Well, let me tell you,” said my sponsor with a wink.  “Full is when the broccoli that went perfectly with the entrée leaves a pleasant smile on your face, full is when the arrow on the gas gauge points to F, these are little indicators of full.  Indications that you have reached all: the wet scary feeling in your mouth after your second piece of pie, all is the gas pouring down the side of your car because you have to try to squeeze more in.”

“Yes, yes,” I reply, “I know when I’ve overdone it; I resent everyone or at least I am cranky about everything.  I know when I’m under doing it, too; I get either a lost feeling or the sense that I should be in charge, but how do I really know that I am doing enough?”

“If your sponsor has a good idea of where you are mentally, physically and spiritually; if the people in your home group can count on you to contribute service regularly.  If most people in most meetings know not just your face, but also your name.  If your sponsees freely admit that you are their sponsor, those are sure signs.  Though the biggest signal for me is how constant my contact is.  If I’m reluctant to pray I’m usually not doing enough of something.”

Learn from pain

*

MATH

If this is the solution why aren't I happy?
I ask my sponsor in a piteous whine.
You've run the equation and the solution equals happiness?
She queries, that's the whole and total answer?
How many times did you go through the computations?

What's your point?
Are you saying happiness isn't the answer?
What about joy and freedom?
I heard someone say that was the goal
I know that's what I heard.

Let's think about it for a hot second
What would you think
If I worked the steps as hard as I do
And as a result walked around in a perpetual grin?
I'd think you had lost your mind.

So you're telling me you believe
The product of recovery is idiocy?
The thing we all are aspiring to is bliss and nothing but?
No, I guess not.
Then what is the solution for you? I ask.

A tally which fits the day I'm having
Joy sometimes fits that bill
But other days it's sadness or concern
There have been days when disbelief
And dismay were part of the appropriate response.

For me, the solution is having an equation
That helps me respond to life
Instead of reacting to it.
That's better than unending happiness
That's wholeness she said with a grin

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Today's Math

February 3

Today’s Math

Today is 12/06/06 this is an equation to me, 12 = 6 + 6, simple; not everything is, but math always works for me.   My Higher Power is math based and one of my major decision making tools is to run the equation of the presenting situation.  There are many constants in my life and those numbers are easier to calculate the variables often prove more difficult. Scalable problems allow for my Geometry.  Proofs are a comfort when I can get them.  Set Theory is what I settle for when I can’t.  I try to show all my work and have others check my calculations.  I can’t tell you how often a simple error in addition or subtraction has fouled my whole equation not to mention my equilibrium.  In conclusion I would like to say it is now 12= 9 + 6 and somehow I’ve lost three days, or did I gain them?  See how tricky the signs are.

Put misconception up for sale

*

HOW LIKE THE MOON

I show the shining bright face to the world
But cannot enumerate the dark.
I change and turn for all to see
Glowing sliver, to full fledged smile.

I inventory all phases
Can tell you from wax to wane
But the darkness, the anchor to my lonely life
I can only guess.

I feel my way across the unknown topography
Searching with fingers and faith
To find the secrets
Of this magic nightmare.

And What? What is the thing to break it?
Hope, Reverence, A detailed map
Or is the darkness just a fact,
Part of the big equation, the equalizer of the light?

If this is so, how best to live with it?
Continue the search or post barriers,
Go ever forward looking for an answer,
Endear myself to the void?

The choices are always mine
The way seldom clear.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

The Poodle

July 1

THE POODLE

Those pointed toes, slender legs carry her across my outstretched mid.  What a blessing to be sober long enough to have never done any unseemly or frightful thing which might have caused apprehension in this firefly of a dog.  I read until she lays her neck over my mouth for her kisses and ear rubs.  She is the center of the universe and I needn’t compete.  I am content to serve as resting place and nursemaid.  I no longer look to be everyone’s pet.  I can pamper and indulge this little one.  She has the whole stage to herself.  I can be her faithful audience having given up my farce.

Carry a picture of you in your wallet.

*

Trouble with Geometry

You are not allowed to get into trouble on purpose,

that’s the rule and if you do

you will get no sympathy that’s the corollary.

Life is too hard to go looking for trouble.

Running toward danger,

whining about self-inflicted pain.

The unspoken law of risk taking

is that failure is dealt with in silence.

Writhing on the ground

after sticking your head in a hornet’s nest,

leaves me and the world I know

to be speechless in your presence.

I know you desire consolation from me.

All I know to say is that your actions

are incongruent with your life.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Smog

June 30

SMOG

When I burn out, the smoke affects everyone in the surrounding area.  I forget to keep my wick trimmed and lamp full; I empty out and my light grows dim. I am responsible for maintenance and upkeep.  If I don’t protect my own radiance I will lose it and the darkness will be felt throughout the neighborhood.  I can’t risk the death of illumination or incur smoldering haze.  Fortification of my sobriety is a simple task if I make proper use of resources.  When I turn energy to obligation I am distracted and separated from my source, then the source I am to others is extinguished.  I can only light the darkness where I am; I can’t illuminate someone else’s path.  Nor should I pollute the way with smoke and vapor due to a lapse in my spiritual condition. 

Place the period then write to it.

*

From Mind to Pen to Paper

What a relief to have exteriorized all the swirl of thought,

which normally swarms my mind,

waiting to take the stage and run through their numbers.

Then like deciphering a code

I was able to cross out all the irrelevant and redundant information,

leaving me with a clear answer.

Once there standing on its own;

it was obvious and easily explained

how two plus three is five.

I just love anything that can be explained all on one hand

and there it was tidy and neatly fitted in the nest of my palm,

easy to grasp hold of with my fingers or my mind.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Math

March 22

MATH

“If this is the solution, why aren’t I happy?"  I ask my sponsor in a piteous whine.

“You’ve run the equation and the solution equals happiness?"  She queries, “That’s the whole and total answer?  How many times did you go through the computation?”

“What’s your point?  Are you saying happiness isn’t the answer?  What about joy, and freedom?  I heard someone say that was the goal.  I know that’s what I heard.”

“Let’s think about it for a hot second.  What would you think if I worked the steps as hard as I do and, as a result, walked around in a perpetual grin?”

“I’d think you had lost your mind.”

“So, you’re telling me you believe the product of recovery is idiocy?  The thing we all are aspiring to is bliss and nothing but?”

“No, I guess not.  Then what is the solution for you?"  I ask.

“A tally which fits the day I’m having.  Joy sometimes fits that bill but other days it’s sadness or concern.  There have been days when disbelief and dismay were part of the appropriate response.  For me, the solution is having an equation that helps me respond to life instead of reacting to it.  That’s better than unending happiness; that’s wholeness,” she said with a grin.

Harmony is at contrast with permission.

*

Suddenly

Creeping realization has never been my experience

with God’s handy work in my kitchen.

I start out making a mess

and I find in short order that G-d has made a meal;

fit food for apt hunger.

I could throw myself into the kneading and shaping,

but without the yeast

which is so freely given I have no bread;

only a lump that will choke me in the end.

Even my very own abilities are gifts

I was incapable of offering to myself

and are only found here in my possession

through sheer grace.

I have woken up with my face

saliva glued to the table top far too often

only to discover my Higher Power doing

and I am grateful for without that action

I would be un-done.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

How Like the Moon

February 4

HOW LIKE THE MOON

I show the shining, bright face to the world but can not enumerate the dark.  I change and turn for all to see, glowing sliver to full fledged smile.  I inventory all phases, can tell you from wax to wane, but the darkness, the anchor to my lonely life, I can only guess.  I feel my way across the unknown topography, searching with fingertips and faith to find the secrets of this magic nightmare.  And what?  What is the thing to break it?  Hope?  Reverence?  A detailed map?  Or is the darkness just a fact?  Part of the big equation, the equalizer of the light?  If this is so, how best to live with it?  Continue the search or post barriers?  Go ever forward, looking for an answer?  Endear myself to the void?

The choices are always mine.  The way, seldom clear. 

Breathe with power.

*

Today’s Math

Today is 12/06/06 this is an equation to me,

12 = 6 + 6, simple.

Not everything is, but math always works for me.

My Higher Power is math based

and one of my major decision making tools

is to run the equation of the presenting situation.

There are many constants in my life

and those numbers are easier to calculate

the variables often prove more difficult.

Scalable problems allow for my Geometry.

Proofs are a comfort when I can get them.

Set Theory is what I settle for when I can’t.

I try to show all my work

and have others check my calculations.

I can’t tell you how often a simple error

in addition or subtraction has fouled my whole equation

not to mention my equilibrium.

In conclusion I would like to say it is now 12= 9 + 6

and somehow I’ve lost three days, or did I gain them?

See how tricky the signs are.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Yes, Virginia, there is a solution

March 29

Yes, Virginia there is a solution

Suspended in the colloid of sobriety the overly large molecule, which is me, finds a fix I couldn’t imagine.  I can get better, I do get better, I have a set of values to substitute into the old equations.  I now live in a mixture where there is one thing in common and all the rest are variants which ordinarily don’t mix.  The scientific method is entry to homogenous living; a concept that never made it to the table in my days as a rogue element.  And with all this on board, the thing I love the best is that it grows; what I can do and how I can do it is an ever widening frame of reference, even things which were once outside of my view are now possible.  I am grateful that there is a solution; I am amazed that it is the solution to everything.

Rethink awkward restriction

*

CRAZY

I try on crazy
The way I sometimes get out the jump rope
And see if all those muscles still work.

The unemployed, unexploited
Fallow nature of my once fertile insanity
Saddens me in an odd way

Today is a place
I stand in stiff comfort
Even though it has taken concerted effort to get here

There are days I slip from reality
The way I can slip off a chair
I no longer allow myself to lounge on the floor

Pride is not so much the issue as hygiene
Crazy is bad for my health
I gave it up like cigarettes or romance novels

I don't have enough time
Or insurance for these dalliances
Though I do remember them all with fondness

When is enough, enough?

March 21

When is enough, enough?

“What is the difference between full and all?  Don’t know?  Well, let me tell you,” said my sponsor with a wink.  “Full is when the broccoli that went perfectly with the entrée leaves a pleasant smile on your face, full is when the arrow on the gas gauge points to F, these are little indicators of full.  Indications that you have reached all: the wet scary feeling in your mouth after your second piece of pie, all is the gas pouring down the side of your car because you have to try to squeeze more in.”

“Yes, yes,” I reply, “I know when I’ve overdone it; I resent everyone or at least I am cranky about everything.  I know when I’m under doing it, too; I get either a lost feeling or the sense that I should be in charge, but how do I really know that I am doing enough?”

“If your sponsor has a good idea of where you are mentally, physically and spiritually; if the people in your home group can count on you to contribute service regularly.  If most people in most meetings know not just your face, but also your name.  If your sponsees freely admit that you are their sponsor, those are sure signs.  Though the biggest signal for me is how constant my contact is.  If I’m reluctant to pray I’m usually not doing enough of something.”

Learn from pain

*

MATH

If this is the solution why aren't I happy?
I ask my sponsor in a piteous whine.
You've run the equation and the solution equals happiness?
She queries, that's the whole and total answer?
How many times did you go through the computations?

What's your point?
Are you saying happiness isn't the answer?
What about joy and freedom?
I heard someone say that was the goal
I know that's what I heard.

Let's think about it for a hot second
What would you think
If I worked the steps as hard as I do
And as a result walked around in a perpetual grin?
I'd think you had lost your mind.

So you're telling me you believe
The product of recovery is idiocy?
The thing we all are aspiring to is bliss and nothing but?
No, I guess not.
Then what is the solution for you? I ask.

A tally which fits the day I'm having
Joy sometimes fits that bill
But other days it's sadness or concern
There have been days when disbelief
And dismay were part of the appropriate response.

For me, the solution is having an equation
That helps me respond to life
Instead of reacting to it.
That's better than unending happiness
That's wholeness she said with a grin

Today's Math

February 3

Today’s Math

Today is 12/06/06 this is an equation to me, 12 = 6 + 6, simple; not everything is, but math always works for me.   My Higher Power is math based and one of my major decision making tools is to run the equation of the presenting situation.  There are many constants in my life and those numbers are easier to calculate the variables often prove more difficult. Scalable problems allow for my Geometry.  Proofs are a comfort when I can get them.  Set Theory is what I settle for when I can’t.  I try to show all my work and have others check my calculations.  I can’t tell you how often a simple error in addition or subtraction has fouled my whole equation not to mention my equilibrium.  In conclusion I would like to say it is now 12= 9 + 6 and somehow I’ve lost three days, or did I gain them?  See how tricky the signs are.

Put misconception up for sale

*

HOW LIKE THE MOON

I show the shining bright face to the world
But cannot enumerate the dark.
I change and turn for all to see
Glowing sliver, to full fledged smile.

I inventory all phases
Can tell you from wax to wane
But the darkness, the anchor to my lonely life
I can only guess.

I feel my way across the unknown topography
Searching with fingers and faith
To find the secrets
Of this magic nightmare.

And What? What is the thing to break it?
Hope, Reverence, A detailed map
Or is the darkness just a fact,
Part of the big equation, the equalizer of the light?

If this is so, how best to live with it?
Continue the search or post barriers,
Go ever forward looking for an answer,
Endear myself to the void?

The choices are always mine
The way seldom clear.

Simplicity Itself

January 27

Simplicity Itself

My life runs at a Gilbert and Sullivan pace, with about as much sense and comic relief.  You say 'keep it simple' and my disease says 'why ruin a good play?’  The truth is this is not play at all but a work that consumes my life from me and doesn't thank me for my time. Simplicity for me requires respect, a gift I selectively give myself; a gift that I often use only as a shield during battle.  My past method of increased self-respect is life in a war zone.  This is no solution.  Release of grief, this is the onerous path I avoid taking.  Purging the wrong thinking and action of others from my blood, my eyes, my skin, allows me to lift my chin and square my soul to plumb and level living, don self-respect as a birth right and set a calendar fit for plausible life, a simple life.

If you are not a hero in your own home you are not a hero

*

HIDE AND SEEK

I have sought You
High and Low
But like the rain
You have always found me.

I like a cold, wet cat on a winters day
Peer into warm lit windows
Hoping
You will be home.

I seek to keep moving
You find me for some unknown reason.
I have given up
Naming You.

I trust You know who you are

 In spite of the fact I do not.
You are places I don't know
Doing things I think better of.

Citing the list of errands I daily make for You,
Not to beleaguer You
But the unfinished list of history
Trails out of my pocket.

I worry I may possess
Your only copy
Of this Injustice List.

There have been days of peace
Days I don't think too much.
Days I turn away from
My history lessons and future projections.

My ultimate problem is with the equal sign
I run the numbers and it figures inequity.
I check my calculations and shake
The calculator of my mind.

Deeply, I fear
You're a one god
And do not comprehend
The implications of zero.

If you multiply with only things above naught
You may be unaware of nothingness.
The empty things I feel
When I can't seem to find you.

Self-possessed - insensitive of the cipher
Your dimensions stay positive.
Bring me into Your realm or join me in the void.

I seek You
But You have found me.

Math

March 22

MATH

“If this is the solution, why aren’t I happy?" I ask my sponsor in a piteous whine.

“You’ve run the equation and the solution equals happiness?" She queries, “That’s the whole and total answer? How many times did you go through the computation?”

“What’s your point? Are you saying happiness isn’t the answer? What about joy, and freedom? I heard someone say that was the goal. I know that’s what I heard.”

“Let’s think about it for a hot second. What would you think if I worked the steps as hard as I do and, as a result, walked around in a perpetual grin?”

“I’d think you had lost your mind.”

“So, you’re telling me you believe the product of recovery is idiocy? The thing we all are aspiring to is bliss and nothing but?”

“No, I guess not. Then what is the solution for you?" I ask.

“A tally which fits the day I’m having. Joy sometimes fits that bill but other days it’s sadness or concern. There have been days when disbelief and dismay were part of the appropriate response. For me, the solution is having an equation that helps me respond to life instead of reacting to it. That’s better than unending happiness; that’s wholeness,” she said with a grin.

Harmony is at contrast with permission.

*

Suddenly

Creeping realization has never been my experience

with God’s handy work in my kitchen.

I start out making a mess

and I find in short order that G-d has made a meal;

fit food for apt hunger.

I could throw myself into the kneading and shaping,

but without the yeast

which is so freely given I have no bread;

only a lump that will choke me in the end.

Even my very own abilities are gifts

I was incapable of offering to myself

and are only found here in my possession

through sheer grace.

I have woken up with my face

saliva glued to the table top far too often

only to discover my Higher Power doing

and I am grateful for without that action

I would be un-done.

How Like the Moon

February 4

HOW LIKE THE MOON

I show the shining, bright face to the world but can not enumerate the dark. I change and turn for all to see, glowing sliver to full fledged smile. I inventory all phases, can tell you from wax to wane, but the darkness, the anchor to my lonely life, I can only guess. I feel my way across the unknown topography, searching with fingertips and faith to find the secrets of this magic nightmare. And what? What is the thing to break it? Hope? Reverence? A detailed map? Or is the darkness just a fact? Part of the big equation, the equalizer of the light? If this is so, how best to live with it? Continue the search or post barriers? Go ever forward, looking for an answer? Endear myself to the void?

The choices are always mine. The way, seldom clear.

Breathe with power.

*

Today’s Math

Today is 12/06/06 this is an equation to me,

12 = 6 + 6, simple.

Not everything is, but math always works for me.

My Higher Power is math based

and one of my major decision making tools

is to run the equation of the presenting situation.

There are many constants in my life

and those numbers are easier to calculate

the variables often prove more difficult.

Scalable problems allow for my Geometry.

Proofs are a comfort when I can get them.

Set Theory is what I settle for when I can’t.

I try to show all my work

and have others check my calculations.

I can’t tell you how often a simple error

in addition or subtraction has fouled my whole equation

not to mention my equilibrium.

In conclusion I would like to say it is now 12= 9 + 6

and somehow I’ve lost three days, or did I gain them?

See how tricky the signs are.

Today's Math

February 3

Today’s Math

Today is 12/06/06 this is an equation to me, 12 = 6 + 6, simple. Not everything is, but math always works for me. My Higher Power is math based and one of my major decision making tools is to run the equation of the presenting situation. There are many constants in my life and those numbers are easier to calculate the variables often prove more difficult. Scalable problems allow for my Geometry. Proofs are a comfort when I can get them. Set Theory is what I settle for when I can’t. I try to show all my work and have others check my calculations. I can’t tell you how often a simple error in addition or subtraction has fouled my whole equation not to mention my equilibrium. In conclusion I would like to say it is now 12= 9 + 6 and somehow I’ve lost three days, or did I gain them? See how tricky the signs are.

Put misconception up for sale

*

HOW LIKE THE MOON

I show the shining bright face to the world
But cannot enumerate the dark.
I change and turn for all to see
Glowing silver, to full fledged smile.

I inventory all phases
Can tell you from wax to wane
But the darkness, the anchor to my lonely life
I can only guess.

I feel my way across the unknown topography
Searching with fingers and faith
To find the secrets
Of this magic nightmare.

And What? What is the thing to break it?
Hope, Reverence, A detailed map
Or is the darkness just a fact,
Part of the big equation, the equalizer of the light?

If this is so, how best to live with it?
Continue the search or post barriers,
Go ever forward looking for an answer,
Endear myself to the void?

The choices are always mine
The way seldom clear.