Feelings

March 28

FEELINGS

Getting my feelings back was like a package delivered---not a letter bomb, more like live squid or bait of some kind.  It was something to catch me out there.  I think overcoming the shock was more or less the small part, though it seemed to loom at the time.  The squirming, the writhing of my soul was like a pregnancy following a bad dream.  I wondered how this became a part of me.  I squandered my days hoping it would leave quietly some night soon.  Like all difficult relationships, I attempted to hold my breath through it.  Failing this, I tried to offer my feelings a guest wing in my heart and a never-ending supply of tea and cookies.  When the reality of life with feelings planted itself firmly in me, I let out my breath, stopped the hostess act and endeavored to roll with it.  This worked well.  I have since invested in a wet- suit and fins.  The squid are much easier to live with when I meet them on their turf.

Sponge off what life flings at you.

*

Yes, Virginia there is a solution

Suspended in the colloid of sobriety

the overly large molecule, which is me,

finds a fix I couldn’t imagine.

I can get better, I do get better,

I have a set of values to substitute into the old equations.

I now live in a mixture where there is one thing in common

and all the rest are variants which ordinarily don’t mix.

The scientific method is entry to homogenous living;

a concept that never made it to the table

in my days as a rogue element.

And with all this on board,

the thing I love the best is that it grows;

what I can do and how I can do it

is an ever widening frame of reference,

Even things which were once outside of my view

are now possible.

I am grateful that there is a solution

I am amazed that it is the solution to everything.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Yes, Virginia, there is a solution

March 29

Yes, Virginia there is a solution

Suspended in the colloid of sobriety the overly large molecule, which is me, finds a fix I couldn’t imagine.  I can get better, I do get better, I have a set of values to substitute into the old equations.  I now live in a mixture where there is one thing in common and all the rest are variants which ordinarily don’t mix.  The scientific method is entry to homogenous living; a concept that never made it to the table in my days as a rogue element.  And with all this on board, the thing I love the best is that it grows; what I can do and how I can do it is an ever widening frame of reference, even things which were once outside of my view are now possible.  I am grateful that there is a solution; I am amazed that it is the solution to everything.

Rethink awkward restriction

*

CRAZY

I try on crazy
The way I sometimes get out the jump rope
And see if all those muscles still work.

The unemployed, unexploited
Fallow nature of my once fertile insanity
Saddens me in an odd way

Today is a place
I stand in stiff comfort
Even though it has taken concerted effort to get here

There are days I slip from reality
The way I can slip off a chair
I no longer allow myself to lounge on the floor

Pride is not so much the issue as hygiene
Crazy is bad for my health
I gave it up like cigarettes or romance novels

I don't have enough time
Or insurance for these dalliances
Though I do remember them all with fondness

Deny One, Deny the Other

October 11

DENY ONE, DENY THE OTHER

If you want to deny the problem, by necessity you must deny the solution.  Resolving a problem whose existence is rejected creates a split in the crust of collusion.  Oftentimes, the convolution and reconvolution of addiction causes a bloated roiling mass that rolls through the streets of sanity.  How can a wedge be cut in a creature so dense?  How can I work on piecing together remedies when I am readily assured by fellow sufferers there is NO DIS-EASE?  Can I trust my personal depletions?  Can I employ faith to a resolution when faith is utilized to fortify the contagion I’m told doesn’t exist?  But if not faith, what?

Count out all the buttons in your box.

*

Alarm

I have lived life like one long fire drill.

Is there smoke?  Not always, but I fear flames.

The alarm in my head is with me always

and I walk from my life single file and silent.

I don’t move on, this is only a drill, ‘

I don’t want to take drastic action, this will pass,’

is my constant thought,

though, I can not remember a time without the buzz.

I have stood outside my life so long

practicing in case of an emergency

that there is no life to protect.

I have been conscientious to the point

of being consumed by caution.

Balance requires risk.

I must be brave enough to have it all.

Yes, Virginia there is a solution

March 29

Yes, Virginia there is a solution

Suspended in the colloid of sobriety the overly large molecule, which is me, finds a fix I couldn’t imagine. I can get better, I do get better, I have a set of values to substitute into the old equations. I now live in a mixture where there is one thing in common and all the rest are variants which ordinarily don’t mix. The scientific method is entry to homogenous living; a concept that never made it to the table in my days as a rogue element. And with all this on board, the thing I love the best is that it grows; what I can do and how I can do it is an ever widening frame of reference, even things which were once outside of my view are now possible. I am grateful that there is a solution; I am amazed that it is the solution to everything.

Rethink awkward restriction

*

CRAZY

I try on crazy
The way I sometimes get out the jump rope
And see if all those muscles still work.

The unemployed, unexploited
Fallow nature of my once fertile insanity
Saddens me in an odd way

Today is a place
I stand in stiff comfort
Even though it has taken concerted effort to get here

There are days I slip from reality
The way I can slip off a chair
I no longer allow myself to lounge on the floor

Pride is not so much the issue as hygiene
Crazy is bad for my health
I gave it up like cigarettes or romance novels

I don't have enough time
Or insurance for these dalliances
Though I do remember them all with fondness