Deny One, Deny the Other

October 11

DENY ONE, DENY THE OTHER

If you want to deny the problem, by necessity you must deny the solution.  Resolving a problem whose existence is rejected creates a split in the crust of collusion.  Oftentimes, the convolution and reconvolution of addiction causes a bloated roiling mass that rolls through the streets of sanity.  How can a wedge be cut in a creature so dense?  How can I work on piecing together remedies when I am readily assured by fellow sufferers there is NO DIS-EASE?  Can I trust my personal depletions?  Can I employ faith to a resolution when faith is utilized to fortify the contagion I’m told doesn’t exist?  But if not faith, what?

Count out all the buttons in your box.

*

Alarm

I have lived life like one long fire drill.

Is there smoke?  Not always, but I fear flames.

The alarm in my head is with me always

and I walk from my life single file and silent.

I don’t move on, this is only a drill,

‘I don’t want to take drastic action, this will pass,’

is my constant thought,

though, I can not remember a time without the buzz.

I have stood outside my life so long

practicing in case of an emergency

that there is no life to protect.

I have been conscientious to the point

of being consumed by caution.

Balance requires risk.

I must be brave enough to have it all.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Alarm

October 13

Alarm

I have lived life like one long fire drill.  Is there smoke?  Not always, but I fear flames.  The alarm in my head is with me always and I walk from my life single file and silent.  I don’t move on, this is only a drill, ‘I don’t want to take drastic action, this will pass,’ is my constant thought, though, I can not remember a time without the buzz.  I have stood outside my life so long practicing in case of an emergency that there is no life to protect.  I have been conscientious to the point of being consumed by caution.  Balance requires risk.  I must be brave enough to have it all.

Remember old leaves turn over, too

*

FISH OF CHAOS

Out of chaos come very tiny fish,
Well maybe not fish but a very swimmy feeling.
How can I go around with my feet off the ground,
My mind racing on a squirrel cage?

Breathing helps, breathing is a place to start.
Once I get breathing regularly I can gingerly probe
With one foot for a place to stand.

The chaos may race around and past my legs
Like so many eels on a summers evening
But with time and practice
I can step from this current as well.
Out of chaos come very tiny fish but I can come out too.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Where's Your Chair?

September 3

Where’s Your Chair?

Is the ring more unnatural for the tamer or the lion?  One the trapped, the other the trapper.  Who is the more in danger; the one with loss of freedom or the one with possible loss of life?  And while this question is still in play the next question is begged.  Why is there a ring?  What is worth the price paid by the whip holder or the whipped?  Spectacle is a thing whose cost reaches from the forest to the trees; can take you from the highest rung down to your knees.  All this lost for some Owwe’s and Ah’s from people needing diversion from the ring they turn tricks in.

Refuse delivery of bad acts

*

HOW EVER YOU CAN

I heard --Let go with love.

You know how to do that? Asked my sponsor.

No that’s why I’m here to see you,

But it sure sounds like something I should do.

Well in a perfect world maybe we can all do it that way.

But for now let go with a mean look in your eye.

Let go with rage in your heart.

Let go with words boiling on you tongue.

Let go with the butter knife up to its hilt in the jelly jar.

Let go standing at the sink wishing for some other life.

Let go as a reflex

Let go as an anthem, as a prayer, as a declaration.

Let go even when you don’t feel you are holding on anymore.

At the same time-hold on to what’s important---

Your recovery---Your Higher Power, and your sense of humor.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Night Clothes and Bed Clothes

July 9

Night Clothes and Bed Clothes

Is there any indulgence quite like that of clean sleepwear warm from the laundry?  Pulling on jammies over squeaky clean skin and the little shutter that goes with tired hedonism is a pleasure without formed words, left for grateful sounds and little moans.  Hard work creates more than stability, more than cash flow and more than mere exhaustion, hard work changes my mind about delight and allows me to see it in the most obvious, most subtle of places.  My bed has become haven, hospital, refuge and I am tucked up in my nest and safely out of my mind. 

Tidy around your messy emotions

*

THE WATER YOU DRINK

Anyone who has to be drug to water

Doesn’t deserve a drink. said my sponsor

What about raising the bottom? I question.

I’m not talking about that

I am discussing people you try to convince into recovery

The folks you try to accommodate

.

The ones you attempt to bend reality for

These are the type who will piss in your well

Let me be clear--------

I am not concerned with individuals who piss in the pool

Which is rude and disgusting

But basically not life threatening

.

When your well is defiled

When the place you draw your drinking water from

Is used as a chamber pot--- your life is at risk.

Don’t ever pull your pants down

Over someone’s fresh water

Don’t let anyone squat with their bare ass over your sobriety

Hospitality

February 9

Hospitality

What unites us, heals us, serves us, is the hospitality of the program.  Fellowship encircles us and draws us close, in a word unites us, hospitality is our core.  Hospital is the root of hospitality and recovery is the route to health, hospitality is the skeleton of recovery.  Hospitable aid, the true gift of self is hospitality; hospitality the master of A.A.

Observe inaction and discover its root

*

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not something to force on people
 like unwanted coffee.
It is only appropriate to forgive people who ask
 for forgiveness
And show with their behavior that they want it.

It is never appropriate to shove forgiveness on people
 who haven't asked
And show no signs of wanting it
 or demonstrate just the opposite.

It's been said, forgiving was to help you feel better.
It doesn't.
Letting go of resentments makes you feel better.
Making amends to the people you've hurt,
Cleaning up your side of the street makes you feel better.

Keeping an open mind and heart will make you ready
 for the possibility of someone coming to make amends.
Forgiveness is a two way street.
Anything you have to throw over someone like a net
 is usually a mistake.

Deny One, Deny the Other

October 11

DENY ONE, DENY THE OTHER

If you want to deny the problem, by necessity you must deny the solution.  Resolving a problem whose existence is rejected creates a split in the crust of collusion.  Oftentimes, the convolution and reconvolution of addiction causes a bloated roiling mass that rolls through the streets of sanity.  How can a wedge be cut in a creature so dense?  How can I work on piecing together remedies when I am readily assured by fellow sufferers there is NO DIS-EASE?  Can I trust my personal depletions?  Can I employ faith to a resolution when faith is utilized to fortify the contagion I’m told doesn’t exist?  But if not faith, what?

Count out all the buttons in your box.

*

Alarm

I have lived life like one long fire drill.

Is there smoke?  Not always, but I fear flames.

The alarm in my head is with me always

and I walk from my life single file and silent.

I don’t move on, this is only a drill, ‘

I don’t want to take drastic action, this will pass,’

is my constant thought,

though, I can not remember a time without the buzz.

I have stood outside my life so long

practicing in case of an emergency

that there is no life to protect.

I have been conscientious to the point

of being consumed by caution.

Balance requires risk.

I must be brave enough to have it all.

Alarm

October 13

Alarm

I have lived life like one long fire drill. Is there smoke? Not always, but I fear flames. The alarm in my head is with me always and I walk from my life single file and silent. I don’t move on, this is only a drill, ‘I don’t want to take drastic action, this will pass,’ is my constant thought, though, I can not remember a time without the buzz. I have stood outside my life so long practicing in case of an emergency that there is no life to protect. I have been conscientious to the point of being consumed by caution. Balance requires risk. I must be brave enough to have it all.

Remember old leaves turn over, too

*

FISH OF CHAOS

Out of chaos come very tiny fish,
Well maybe not fish but a very swimmy feeling.
How can I go around with my feet off the ground,
My mind racing on a squirrel cage?

Breathing helps, breathing is a place to start.
Once I get breathing regularly I can gingerly probe
With one foot for a place to stand.

The chaos may race around and past my legs
Like so many eels on a summers evening
But with time and practice
I can step from this current as well.
Out of chaos come very tiny fish but I can come out too.