Flight 548

December 11

Flight 548

What a happy flight, wing to wing, smiles, good cheer, the air is kind, sweet, dry, easy to breathe.  I am so blessed.  I fly to destiny watching the traveling baby circus play around me.  Giggles and drool surround me, infuse me with glee.  People wander the aisle looking like well loved characters from long forgotten books and we soar.  Time does not pass any more quickly this way, but it is similar to time in heaven rather than time spent in hell.

Mix jelly with joy

*

RETRO ANTICIPATION AND SUNSHINE

The night after a victory I fret about the blocks.
Will my stance be right?
Will I leave clearly?

I have been first through the tape
I have won the race
But yet I worry how I will start.

Had I anticipated a win
I might have handled the accolades better.

Apprehension has a long half-life
And feeds through the night
On my gizzards and my dreams.

Failure gives homework,
There are rewrites and type-O’s
But checkmate leaves an empty board
And hands to shake.

The long ride home is filled with
Recriminating thoughts of luck and fortune.
By the time I arrive home
The win is devalued and no longer mine.

I must pry misgivings from the winners circle
And enjoy these moments in the sun
They are just as real as any others.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Come What May

November 10

Come What May

Inevitable things are very much like inedible things; you can’t quite swallow them yet they are hard to throw up.  It can’t seem to get here quick enough to comfort my fear nor will it pass with any speed once it has arrived.  I am like a boa with a hedgehog as my lunch, the shredding is rightfully dreaded and in no way preventable.  Not everything that wings my way is anxiety driven, but I have to admit that some things are.  I cannot spend my days wishing the storm clouds away so I will put on my slicker and hunker down for the drenching. 

The alleys in your mind are for passage not permanence

*

PRIDE GOETHE BEFORE A FALL

In truth, pride goes wherever it wants, it’s pride.
Pride wanders alone, for no one enjoys its company.
Pride travels far but gets nowhere.
Pride rises above reality and seeps beneath the surface.

When pride wears out, love and honesty poke holes in it.
Until it is grounded and transforms to humility
Pride’s past is remembered with flush and embarrassment.
Recounting yesterday is pride’s unenviable task.
Keeping it from recreation is mine.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

In Plain Sight

August 2

In Plain Sight

When there is a problem, I hide.  As the good places diminish I end up standing behind a pole.  The trouble with this is that something always sticks out.  I try weight loss, I suck in my tummy, I try to blend with the scenery.  Once spotted I act nonchalant; “I’m just hanging around with my skinny friend; nothing is the matter,” attempting to cover with a casual aside what is apparent to everyone but me.  I would be better off parading naked than endeavoring this piteous disguise.  I can’t fool the crowd and trying to makes a fool of me.  What I have forgotten is that clarity and diligence removes the target from my back and makes me invisible to almost everyone.  When I solve my problem I solve this problem too.

Permit anxiety to drip off you and flow away

*

WALKING JOY HOME

I make sure to walk joy home,

Not because I doubt her ability to find it alone

Rather because it gives me extra time with her.

I used to fear joy.

That I would be intoxicated by her presents

And lose my well-hardened grasp on realism.

Now I see that without joy in my life there is no realism

That it was only cynicism

Masquerading in its place.

Joy is simple and unassuming,

I often confuse her with ecstasy and scoot away in shy terror

Joy is nice to have around she is not just a party animal.

Sometimes I invite her over for a cup of tea.

When we are done I take the winding path

To savor every step up to her door.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Deny One, Deny the Other

October 11

DENY ONE, DENY THE OTHER

If you want to deny the problem, by necessity you must deny the solution.  Resolving a problem whose existence is rejected creates a split in the crust of collusion.  Oftentimes, the convolution and reconvolution of addiction causes a bloated roiling mass that rolls through the streets of sanity.  How can a wedge be cut in a creature so dense?  How can I work on piecing together remedies when I am readily assured by fellow sufferers there is NO DIS-EASE?  Can I trust my personal depletions?  Can I employ faith to a resolution when faith is utilized to fortify the contagion I’m told doesn’t exist?  But if not faith, what?

Count out all the buttons in your box.

*

Alarm

I have lived life like one long fire drill.

Is there smoke?  Not always, but I fear flames.

The alarm in my head is with me always

and I walk from my life single file and silent.

I don’t move on, this is only a drill, ‘

I don’t want to take drastic action, this will pass,’

is my constant thought,

though, I can not remember a time without the buzz.

I have stood outside my life so long

practicing in case of an emergency

that there is no life to protect.

I have been conscientious to the point

of being consumed by caution.

Balance requires risk.

I must be brave enough to have it all.