Virginia Creeper

October 9

VIRGINIA CREEPER

In a clearing grows a vine; as seasons change the leaves turn pale.  This type of vine grows throughout the wood, but does it grow pale everywhere or only in the sunlit space?  I see the trembling of the lovely foliage and wonder the destiny of the flora.  Does growth have a will of its own?  Does it grow to the light or is it a must?  Can I turn my face even if Virginia Creeper cannot?  And if I can, should I, just to prove a point?

Keep a spare heart for your overflowing love.

*

The First We

Before powerlessness can be dealt with,

before unmanageability can be faced,

it is imperative that the “WE” is embraced.

It is the first and last job of sobriety.

Initially the human “we” is faced

and finally the I and Thee.

But the full spectrum of “we” is there to allow

the creation of possibilities in my life.

As the human body is 97% water

the recovering alcoholic is 97% “We”.

What I could never do on my own;

We do with ease.

On my own I might not be much

but together We are everything!

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Whip

April 12

WHIP

I have been to the meeting where they play 'whip', the meeting where the members are gotten in line.  The tempo increases constantly in an attempt to flick each other off into the land of shame and slips and less-than.  This game is invisible to the participants, though the stress on their bodies is surely felt.  Spectators often misunderstand the meaning of the activity and wrongly interpret it as strength training and endurance building.  I think of it as a backward step, throwing me to my initial desire for a drink; living in other peoples skewed lines sent me running for a bottle.  These same lines, placed around me in sobriety, will measure me up for a box.

Turn your plants and your mind so every aspect has an opportunity to get some sun.

*

Who to Ask

“You ask good questions

and you ask the right people,” said my sponsor.

“I ask questions because I need answers,” my reply.

“Do you know how many people need answers

and never ask?” she quipped.

“I ask my friends, no stroke of genius there,” I continue.

“You ask your playmates,

you ask the people you trust enough to have fun with.

You don’t realize how clever that is.

You know lots of folks who work hard

and you could ask your questions of these

But instead you save them for those diligent ones

who still know how to play and that, Sweetie Pie

is proof that you are no dummy.”

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Spectrum

October 24

Spectrum

The quality of the poetry is so dependant on the quality of the lighting.  Improve the color palette and yes, you’ve guessed the result.  So, I say to you, “Turn up the lights.  Do not write in half-dark grief and limp through the words.  Spotlight what you can and illuminate the rest.  You needn’t make a sound, needn’t pitch a tent, needn’t build a bridge, though you may, may if you wish and wish is what I do, wish for better light and when the clouds break loose in the sky and let the sun pour, I lift my pen and make it all; for what was needed was this better light.”

Imagine your webbed feet

*

PICK ME SIX NUMBERS

Knowing all the page numbers
And quotes of the Big Book
But not being able to apply them
Is like knowing all the winning lottery numbers
With the inability to buy a ticket.

Telling my story has little or nothing
To do with public speaking
Recovery has so much more to do
With willingness rather than studiousness.

Popularity contest, policing meetings
And service politics are a circus
I have attended far too often.
Empty rooms sporting great curtains
Does not a home make
Comprehension is no substitute for acquiescence

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Weight Problem

June 9

Weight Problem

I have trouble raising my 50 pound hand in meetings.  In between meetings I have the problem of trying to dial the 500 pound phone, which leaves me with this 2,000 pound weight on my chest and no air to breathe, no life to lead.  There is the difficulty of the relentless tyrant, my would be sponsor, the person I fail to ask.  Plus, the home group that does not support me, since they do not know my name.  All the while folks laugh and talk and have a good time, I can see none of them have suffered from my weight problem. 

Continue to move into your home

*

CLONING DAYS

The novelty of sobriety causing sweet days

Wore to gauze and I attempted control

I cut, pasted and sutured elements of good living

In an effort to make 24 hours of personal perfection.

I was so sure I could replicate these jewel days

I would make perfect spheres, everything round and even

One after another like a string of pearls

The more I tried the harder God laughed

Days are their own planets

Saturn is different from Mars

And today will have as little to do with tomorrow

If I let it all work out.

Perfection is a thing which is born to live

Not a thing I can draft in a dish or test tube

Life will-out

Or chaos will prevail.

Life Events in Burlap

May 16

Life Events in Burlap

Two left feet in a gunnysack allows no forward motion and creates only a windmill that screws us into the ground.  There is more perspective, front and back, more view, but nothing to do with it, nowhere to go.  We are better off as book ends than this awkward foolish pairing.  You go your way and I go mine works fine if we are cut lose, if any one person can be free of any other.  You offer to change your perspective if I change mine.  I smile, almost laugh at the idea of two right feet in a gunnysack and no improvement in sight.  This is not grade school, not field day, I must turn to you or you to me and nothing else, no fair is fair, no turn taking. Because my past is not your future and your future is not my past.  Face forward on both accounts and then we run the race.

Allow your imagination to put on a slideshow for your resistance

*

THREE ROOSTERS

The three roosters came to the meeting

To hear themselves crow.

The membership purely spectators

In the longest, lowest, loudest sobriety competition.

Those of us in the fray, we are like picked-on puppies

Who learn slowly not to put our heads up

To spare our eyes and hearts.

The same noise comes repeatedly

Suspicion is never aroused

The heads nod at all the right places

Orchestrated for ego and nothing else.

The meeting is closed with a momentary prayer

For the still suffering, in and out of the room

I pray that will be enough.

What....

March 5

What and When, When and How……and Why

Arriving at the place where I have nothing to prove, afforded me the luxury of not having to proclaim the amount of time I have, when I share in a meeting.  Taking the score keeping out of the equation I was then able to think of what it was that motivated me to speak in a meeting.  Self-Possession, a great gift to inhabit, a greater gift to demonstrate; quiet dignity is a real favorite of mine.  If I am calm yet in control, if there is time, if there is a lull, I can share parts of my experience.  If I have chaos, an agenda, a theory, a grudge it is all better left unsaid in the meeting and saved for the less vulnerable ear of my sponsor.  For if I am wrong I might persuade in error and if I am right I might convert in righteousness. 

 Why is it that what I never say rings louder than anything I do?

Leave gossip where you find it

*

MOTE

I dug the mote, the alligators came on their own.
The rain fell, I did not bid it.
I've burned all the bridges
I've sold the farm.

I wonder at the company I keep
The birds fly in and stay for a season
Friends used to wave as they passed
Now my island is overgrown.

I stand to my chin in the tall grass
I guess it's a matter of maintenance
What I don't keep pruned grows back
The connections I don't secure weaken and fail.

I am subject to all that falls, if I don't keep my roof on.
The wind chaps me without the walls of my home
No clothes and I burn
No joy and all I do is cry.

It takes more than a continuous ditch
To protect my heart.
More than water and reptiles
To safeguard my soul.

Electric Connections

December 10

ELECTRIC CONNECTIONS

I step into a room and take its currency.  Is the flow good?  Steady?  The pulse even and strong?  Where are the power brokers and are they sharing the time or using their magnetic personalities to draw the current off others? I check the complement of resisters, examine their stripes and assess the possibilities. I pump in energy when I can and take when it is available. I keep in mind we are all transformers and change is possible for everyone as long as we make the connections.

Rich mistakes make good batter.

*

What’s that in the Pool?

Parts of the Rocky Mountains look like

algae bloom out in the Indian Ocean.

Parts of me look like parts of you

and here we go with oneness

being nothing more than

pattern recognition and optical illusion;

though I hope there is more to it than that.

My hurt might not be your hurt,

but I have a sense of it.

Likewise your hope may not resemble mine,

but it cheers you just the same

and we are all the better for it.

We needn’t replicate each other

or attempt imitation,

but recognition is a kind thing

and art is what we all have to share.

Driveway Time

November 19

DRIVEWAY TIME

Layer after layer of blue stack the sky, the moon risen and the sun dipping away.  I wait for the twin lights, the constellation of headlights---my ride to the meeting.  It will be the entry vehicle to a world of population, leaving behind the galaxy of me, the single star. I stand silent and the feeling of fellowship carries the miles.  Laughter flies the winds of memory and all the old jokes of truth and tribute are fresh and abide with me until the car arrives and we make it all new again.

Ride a horse to a pony show.

*

Blanda

I know how good a quarterback you are

on Monday, safely at home.

What were you like on the field, game day?

You act as if seeing your mistakes in retrospect

is the same as not having made them,

but the game is lost and a rematch is not a do-over.

The score is final, whether you accept the stats or not.

Defeat does not deter my love of the game

and doesn’t diminish my affection for you,

But history has been made

and I don’t wish to repeat it.

Far off Places

July 18

FAR OFF PLACES

Meetings too near home are unsatisfying to me.  On smooth, simple days local meetings are fine; I catch a meeting, just slip it in.  On rough days I yearn for an out of town meeting.  After these many 24’s I’ve come to realize I need the ride as much as I need the meeting.  Like a discontented baby I need more than just a trip around the block.  The comfort of taking flight in my car is equaled by arriving at some far off AA. Fresh faces and new-takes-on-old-woes are an antidote to my colicky attitude.  The drive back offers me a sense of triumphant homecoming.  A good meeting can be had anywhere.  Sometimes I just need a change of place or change of pace.

Keep a lock of your own hair.

*

Cicatrix and Love

The mark left by injury is indelible

though it may heal, the consequence remains.

This is also true of love.

I am branded and changed by your affection.

The improvement wrought in me does not leave when you do.

If you stop loving me,

can you no longer remember my name,

 my face,

my sigh;

I am better for having had your love if only for a short time.

Good medicine offers lasting results;

the miracle of your love is my health.

The blush in my cheek,

the revitalization I feel is traceable to you,

to the days you held me in your heart

and the nights you held me in your arms.

And though I want you back in my world

the best of you lives on in my life.

Heat Exchange

June 29

HEAT EXCHANGE

I stand in the shower and let the water run.  The water carries away my temperature in exchange for its own.  I leave the enclosure restored.  Mentally, a meeting does this for me.  I change hot topics for more moderate positions, cold indifference for warm regard.  Stepping into a group of my fellows carts off my excess ego and flushes my pride.  Isolation is taken and camaraderie left in its place.  I am always changed by standing amid the rush of sober minds and faithful service.  Balance comes from proximity and willingness.  Everything is reduced to letting myself get wet.

Measure your growth on a doorpost.

*

Exercising Futility

Asking the confused for explanation

is like asking a blind man the color of the sea.

It isn’t that he couldn’t tell you,

but how could you be sure?

To exercise futility is more than just a game

or the words to a song

your mother sings when lost or far away.

To take the fish out of water

and train it on a bike is meaner than I need to be,

but isn’t it my right?

Just to do things because they can be done

or try them because they can’t

is more the worse for everyday a tragedy in pants.

Puzzle out the little things and practice when you can,

for putting on the frazzled mind

is cruel to the poor sweet-hearted sot.

Anything is Possible

June 26

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Just because the crows fly away when I arrive doesn’t mean they are afraid, but they might be.  The obvious answers are usually the correct ones; I must leave room for the unlikely answers, too.  Sometimes a spade is a shovel and a gofer is occasionally a retriever.  The world is a wonderful and fearful place where possibilities are endless if I am willing to allow the light to strike these sheltered doubts.  Any day, anywhere, an alcoholic can stay drunk or get sober.

Practice your game face so you don’t have to play a game.

*

Chock Full of Nuts

I am not a coffee maker.

I come from a long line of non-coffee drinkers

and I don’t drink it myself.

I made the coffee for my home group once

and was asked not to do it again.

This is when I realized my service talents

must lay elsewhere, and they do.

I am a good sponsor for those who want what I have

or at least want to attempt what I am trying to get toward.

I am a good representative.

I can carry the wishes of my group to the district.

I am learning to share my story and carry the message

and hope to do it well.

So, my question to you is

to what service do you most naturally bend?

The Palmist

June 20

THE PALMIST

Last night I had a silly dream.  I was in a tent at a carnival and the woman across the table held my hand so dear, looked into my eyes and said, “Today you will go to a meeting that will save your life.”  I thanked her and left full of anticipation.  When I awoke, I was filled with the same strong sensation.  I rose, washed and left for the meeting with anticipation.  I paid close attention to the coffee maker, those setting up chairs with me, and the newcomer.  I listened carefully to the speakers and the sound of the group’s voice closing in prayer.  Nothing out of the ordinary happened… other than my realization that every meeting saves my life.

Believe in contradiction.

*

Notice

I put myself on the auction block

and wait to see how high a rate

I will have to pay to become slave to my illusions.

I have worked so ardently to free myself

from past enslavements and here I stand naked on this block,

selling myself and hoping I will fetch a price.

Poisonous pedagogy is atomized, contained in every breath,

I don’t know how to live apart from it

and thus I stand waiting to be bought.

It no longer matters how I got up here the first time

for who cares that slaves enslave.

All that matters is that there seems no safe way off this block

or out of this web, or down this street;

The world seems a bad neighborhood everywhere I turn.

Yet I must admit that standing here affords a view

I would not have if I were buying.

If I am a slave I can have hope of someday being free,

if I am a owner what hope might there be?

Three Roosters

June 8

THREE ROOSTERS

The three roosters come to the meeting to hear themselves crow.  The membership purely spectators in the longest, lowest, loudest sobriety competition.  Those of us in the fray are like picked-on-puppies who learn slowly not to put our heads up to spare our eyes and hearts.  The same noise comes repeatedly.  Suspicion is never aroused; the heads nod at all the right places, orchestrated for ego and nothing else.  The meeting is closed with a momentary prayer for the still suffering in and out of the room.  I pray that will be enough.

Tour your past but leave at closing time.

*

Abraxas

I was waiting for a magic person

and then you appeared.

I was dazzled;

I was under your spell.

In an attempt to prove myself

your natural assistant I sawed me in two.

Then I stepped into the vanishing cabinet

and promptly disappeared.

I was not wrong to see the miraculous in you,

but I never looked from your visage once you arrived.

The world around me melted at your entrance

and I flowed down the drain along with it.

I somehow expected a response from you,

but why respond to an empty room?

So, I will plug back into myself and power up.

Power draws power

and I will see if I can draw you once again.

Prize Catch

June 11

Prize Catch

There is a reason that fish flap and twist when they are caught, why even though they are in the air they fight for the life that once was theirs, only martyrs go without a fight, it is good to know that at least this vice is not mine. When I did not love my life its loss was not an actual change, there was nothing to hold onto, nothing to struggle for. Now I thrash at the feel of my loved life slipping from me. It is good to know I have passion enough to rally a defense. My life can be taken from me, but I haven’t lost my will to fight.

Turn confusion until its smooth

*

THE PALMIST

Last night I had a silly dream.

I was in a tent at a carnival and the woman across the table

Held my hand so dear, looked into my eyes and said

“Today you will go to a meeting which will save your life”

I thanked her and left full of anticipation.

When I awoke, I was filled with the same strong sensation

I rose, washed and left for the meeting with anticipation.

I paid close attention to the coffee maker,

Those setting up chairs with me and the newcomer

I listened carefully to the speakers

And the sound of the group’s voice closing in prayer

Nothing out of the ordinary happened

Other than my realization

That every meeting saves my life.

The Fruit Bowl

September 7

THE FRUIT BOWL


Meetings are living and precious fruit. I must squeeze every drop from them, even the lemons. I am privileged to be among the succulent growth and pungent fragrance of determined hearts and minds. The infusion of strength, the vitality received from the essence of truth gives and gives to me. I am refreshed by exposure to raw talent, revived by action and growth. The diversity of shape and flavor cheer and inspire me. The contrast from bowl to chalice is dramatic, ever a reminder to stay where it’s fresh.


An offer is better than a gift.

Meeting Inventory

August 23

MEETING INVENTORY



The manicurist at the meeting sits and does her nails; the discussion goes on around her as she files away. Cell phones go off for the people who can’t put their lives on hold for their sobriety. The knitter knits and the dissenters descend; with the chatting chickens and the grumbling grouse, all these populate the meeting. It has taken the first half of the hour to take everyone else’s inventory. I have the remaining 30 to take my own.


Let your evenings reflect your mornings like the sea reflects the sky.

Far Off Places

July 18

FAR OFF PLACES




Meetings too near home are unsatisfying to me. On smooth, simple days local meetings are fine; I catch a meeting, just slip it in. On rough days I yearn for an out of town meeting. After these many 24’s I’ve come to realize I need the ride as much as I need the meeting. Like a discontented baby I need more than just a trip around the block. The comfort of taking flight in my car is equaled by arriving at some far off AA. Fresh faces and new-takes-on-old-woes are an antidote to my colicky attitude. The drive back offers me a sense of triumphant homecoming. A good meeting can be had anywhere. Sometimes I just need a change of place or change of pace.


Keep a lock of your own hair.

Three Roosters

June 8

THREE ROOSTERS


The three roosters come to the meeting to hear themselves crow. The membership purely spectators in the longest, lowest, loudest sobriety competition. Those of us in the fray are like picked-on-puppies who learn slowly not to put our heads up to spare our eyes and hearts. The same noise comes repeatedly. Suspicion is never aroused; the heads nod at all the right places, orchestrated for ego and nothing else. The meeting is closed with a momentary prayer for the still suffering in and out of the room. I pray that will be enough.


Tour your past but leave at closing time.