The 24 Hour God

May 10

THE 24 HOUR GOD

Matching a loving God to the horrors of my past has proved impossible for me.  Projecting a connection to an all-powerful God of the ever-foreshortening future seems implausible.  In today, I see a nurturing God.  Not an all purpose God, not a God who serves all.  In my life, there is a God I trust today.  Each morning, when I wake, it is a pleasant surprise to find a God.  Not an expansive God, not a God to fit the continuum, but a nice neat God who fits right in this 24.

Lift your fingers to your scars and feel the gratitude.

*

Box-a-week Tao

I am going through so many changes

surrounding the cleaning out and getting rid of process.

The flat sided panic that I experience

while even attempting the smallest disposal seems impossible.

I would deny it if I didn't have the repetition

of this experiment to prove it as fact.

I have now moved into the part of the illness

where I compulsively clean the things that I have emptied

in order to avoid facing the next step, the next box, the next mess.

This is a two part trap:

Part 1. If cleaning can absorb all the time

I will not be able to do anything else.

Part 2.  If I can't keep it clean enough

then I have an excuse to give up

and not empty the next space.

I am trying to keep moving without being mean to myself.

Because mean is worse than mess.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Rooftop Coffee

September 16

ROOFTOP COFFEE

Who is more powerless: the person driving down the road with his cup of coffee on the roof of the car, or the one who sees it happen?  Lost in mental chaos, lost to the small things, I set the cup and forget, or content and serene, I am examining details and notice the oddness.  When my mind wanders I am helpless in the whirlpool and suction.  When I am grounded I am struck by the separate sealedness of the carnival around me.  Potential rides on the top; will it fall forward or back?  Will there be a sticky haze on the front windshield or the rear?  Or I could remember at the stoplight and spare myself everything but the embarrassment.  As the observer I try to be helpful, I point and jump and shout, calling the predicament to the attention of others in an attempt to increase my chances of success.  We all stand as the coffee speeds away to unknown disaster.

Wear your boldness like a mane.

*

Hand Washing

I live a simple life now;

I handle life as it is dished up.

I no longer need to make use of the dish prison.

Living an orderly active life I find it untenable

to have my favorite spoon or bowl held hostage

until I make enough mess to run the dishwasher through.

I don’t live an ‘Eight is Enough’ type existence

and need not burden my psyche

trying to save my hands a little soap.

I save the Cascade for visits to waterfalls,

Jet Dry for landing strips.