Flaw in Snow

November 30

FLAW IN SNOW

Waiting for snow.  Waiting for cold fingers, slick roads, warm beds, reading by firelight.  Waiting for the proof of lack of control.  Waiting itself proves lack of control.  I can dance the snow dance and refuse to buy new shovels, hang out laundry, put out every manner of storm tempters; still I cannot force the hand of nature.  I must sit with my crystalline optimism and endure these cloudless skies.  There will be snow, it will fall somewhere, but I mustn’t grow overanxious ‘cause it may never snow in Miami.

Treat yourself with learning.

*

My Most Important Meal

Sweet potato pudding sits on the plate;

I sit in my place and wield my spoon

until the plate is clean.

I’m fed, my day begins.

If this is the best part of my day,

life is still sweet and fine.

Time skips its way through and I meet and greet

the splendid and the few.

Picking my way, the raindrops step aside;

I am gratified, though I never mind the rain.

When the mud has settled and my bed calls me home;

I look back to the start of the day

and pray to begin the next one the very same way.

Vlog:  http://youtu.be/0_muX8IfQHI

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

Napping

April 16

NAPPING

Too often, I have lifted the edge of the lawn in an attempt to join the worms for a bit of a dirt nap.  Or I crawled into a self-constructed cave to bear my feelings and hibernate from life.  The times I sprint with the deer, jumping the fences in hopes of escaping the wolves, these are all the times when I forget who I am.  I forget to ask direction, fail to make a meeting.  Seeing those of my ilk puts my feet on the ground, focuses my perspective on just what sort of creature I am.  I can’t always follow my instincts when I don’t know who I am.  I can’t see myself until I stand next to you.

Relax one toe at a time.

*

In Training

Like a faithful dog that was hard to train,

patience is a thing hoped for

yet peevish during the breaking in.

Stanch companionability is hard won,

but worth the cost of acquisition.

And what is the price I truly paid in the end;

whatever I gave in the pursuit of patience

was a cheap babysitter

and kept me from far worse reformation.

For what would I do in this late day and age

as a tempest torn toddler,

no bottle to sooth my woes and bothers.

Strictly speaking this is a world ill suited

to the edgy intolerant masses

and only seems to fit those who can mark time and bend.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Angle of Return

March16

ANGLE OF RETURN

As in a hall of mirrors, it is sometimes hard to tell if I am moving forward in my recovery.  Likewise, as promises are fulfilled, their obtuse arrival is a quandary.  The juxtaposition of acute homecoming of former faculties is also startling.  How the light finds and reflects itself from sober face to sober face, from open heart to open mind, is the spectral of hope to me.  My soul seeks me day after day though I left it so far behind.  It brings to me the person of God’s intent and my new acquaintance.  Patience, never my virtue, finds me stacked with packages delivered in piles so high I can’t keep up with opening them.  Never in my life have I known less about my future or felt more assured.

Earn your own respect.

*

Suit up, Show up

I stand naked, paralyzed,

unable to reach my intended destination

or any destination at all.

Goose flesh is no real motivation

and I am reluctant to use the prod

having only produced resistance

and reversals with past applications of this weapon.

Entreatment might work

if only I could find the right one;

then again anything might work if it were a fit.

Covering my all-together is an action;

taken judiciously it sometimes is all the arrival I can manage,

taken disingenuously it precludes the chance

for any further forward motion

and may create setback or retreat.

I should not attempt to hide fear with wardrobe

though I can try to warm it.

Façade building is best done with a bottle in tow

reality is best faced with a sponsor by my side.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Box-a-week Tao

May 12

Box-a-week Tao

I am going through so many changes surrounding the cleaning out and getting rid of process.  The flat sided panic that I experience while even attempting the smallest disposal seems impossible.  I would deny it if I didn't have the repetition of this experiment to prove it as fact.  I have now moved into the part of the illness where I compulsively clean the things that I have emptied in order to avoid facing the next step, the next box, the next mess.  This is a two part trap: part 1. If cleaning can absorb all the time I will not be able to do anything else.  Part 2.  If I can't keep it clean enough then I have an excuse to give up and not empty the next space.  I am trying to keep moving without being mean to myself.  Because mean is worse than mess.

Try not to lose things you never had

*

CHOICE

Growth is my decision

I don’t need conflict or catastrophe to bring me to change

I choose each day, come what may, to roll out the refuse

I am not tempted to leave it in to rot just because the sun is shining

Good days are good times to improve

How could integrity be retarded by joy?

I am not punished into recovery

I will never accept a Higher Power who set up a system like that

And give wide birth to people who claim their Higher Power did

My bottom may have been an inducement to start

But choice keeps me coming back.

In Training

April 18

In Training

Like a faithful dog that was hard to train, patience is a thing hoped for yet peevish during the breaking in.  Stanch companionability is hard won, but worth the cost of acquisition.  And what is the price I truly paid in the end; whatever I gave in the pursuit of patience was a cheap babysitter and kept me from far worse reformation.  For what would I do in this late day and age as a tempest torn toddler, no bottle to sooth my woes and bothers.  Strictly speaking this is a world ill suited to the edgy intolerant masses and only seems to fit those who can mark time and bend.

Be careful what you do with idols

*

SERVICE & SACRIFICE

The difference between life and death in my recovery

Is the equal difference between service and sacrifice

If I offer you what is in my hand, fine

If I also give you my fingertips, I am lost.

Service lightens the load in my heart

Sacrifice removes my tools for living

When I go into debt for your existence

The cheer and optimism is sucked from my awareness

My eyes go dead and soon I follow

The cingulotomy of obligation crucifies my future

And murders true hope and love

Service feeds my heart and yours

Renovating makes space

It builds the muscles for joy and contentment

Pumping and refilling

My plate with spirituality.

Napping

April 16

NAPPING

Too often, I have lifted the edge of the lawn in an attempt to join the worms for a bit of a dirt nap. Or I crawled into a self-constructed cave to bear my feelings and hibernate from life. The times I sprint with the deer, jumping the fences in hopes of escaping the wolves, these are all the times when I forget who I am. I forget to ask direction, fail to make a meeting. Seeing those of my ilk puts my feet on the ground, focuses my perspective on just what sort of creature I am. I can’t always follow my instincts when I don’t know who I am. I can’t see myself until I stand next to you.

Relax one toe at a time.

*

In Training

Like a faithful dog that was hard to train,

patience is a thing hoped for

yet peevish during the breaking in.

Stanch companionability is hard won,

but worth the cost of acquisition.

And what is the price I truly paid in the end;

whatever I gave in the pursuit of patience

was a cheap babysitter

and kept me from far worse reformation.

For what would I do in this late day and age

as a tempest torn toddler,

no bottle to sooth my woes and bothers.

Strictly speaking this is a world ill suited

to the edgy intolerant masses

and only seems to fit those who can mark time and bend.

In Training

April 18

In Training

Like a faithful dog that was hard to train, patience is a thing hoped for yet peevish during the breaking in. Stanch companionability is hard won, but worth the cost of acquisition. And what is the price I truly paid in the end; whatever I gave in the pursuit of patience was a cheap babysitter and kept me from far worse reformation. For what would I do in this late day and age as a tempest torn toddler, no bottle to sooth my woes and bothers. Strictly speaking this is a world ill suited to the edgy intolerant masses and only seems to fit those who can mark time and bend.

Be careful what you do with idols

*

SERVICE & SACRIFICE

The difference between life and death in my recovery

Is the equal difference between service and sacrifice

If I offer you what is in my hand, fine

If I also give you my fingertips, I am lost.

Service lightens the load in my heart

Sacrifice removes my tools for living

When I go into debt for your existence

The cheer and optimism is sucked from my awareness

My eyes go dead and soon I follow

The cingulotomy of obligation crucifies my future

And murders true hope and love

Service feeds my heart and yours

Renovating makes space

It builds the muscles for joy and contentment

Pumping and refilling

My plate with spirituality.