Self-seeking is a Debt

September 21

SELF-SEEKING IS A DEBIT

Trying to get credit for everything I do has run me into debt in my anonymity account, which draws directly from my humility bank.  I cannot expend my resources seeking acknowledgement and expect to retain much dignity or class.  How can I build within while constantly grasping for nods and smiles from scenery and landscaping?  I want approval so much that I have lost my center.  In an attempt to top the charts I forgot my song.  My ego writes checks that my soul can’t cover.  I run my potential into the red looking to get my name in black and white.  If I keep my name out of lights I have a chance of building up my dignity.

Own your own blocks.

*

No Jinn

I molested the touch control lamp.

I had no trouble turning it on,

but could never figure how to turn it off;

therefore I let the light shine in the daytime.

I called looking for guidance,

“lick your fingers then try again,” was the glib suggestion.

I offered that I was not interested

in becoming that intimate with said lamp.

Sometimes connections are made easily,

other times they cannot be made at all,

still there are times the renewal of a connection

is determined by my willingness to up the ante.

Am I willing to put a little spit into the effort

or will I leave the light to burn?

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Access

August 4

ACCESS

Writing to you, my Sweet, allows me to give what I have available at the moment it comes into my possession.  You reading me lets you invite me in when you are ready or willing, possibly both.  I can store succulent treasure for you without the least consideration of freezer burn or apathy.  You are here when I want you, yearning and prepared.  I am yours for the taking in the classroom, the bedroom, or even in your bath.  I can whisper or shout to you, rant or tell jokes at you.  You can embrace or ignore me, introduce me to friends or keep me your own personal province.  We are intimates because I bare my soul to you and you take me into yours.

Recommend your assets.

*

Sleep Tight

Did you dream?

Sleep the sleep of faultless souls?

Or twist the sheets

as in that Gilbert & Sullivan treatment?

Are night time wrestlings an indication

of decadent daytime activity?

Or is it all simply a matter of happenstance?

Possibly something I ate, thought, wished for?

I think to myself,

I should not have gotten into that unmade bed,

should have made it up; the bed and my mind,

should have straighten out the crumpled mass

of discarded dreams from yesterday and started fresh

But instead  I climbed in with it all tumbled and tossed,

lumpy and coarse, no smooth sailing in this tangled sea.

What time I would have saved by leveling

the playing field and plumping the pillows.

All is not lost, there is always tonight.

Sweet dreams straight ahead

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Dear G-d

July 25

Dear G-d

I need help.  I need help availing myself of the help you have provided me.  I am embarrassed to lack the ability to complete all the steps necessary for achieving the goals you have set before me.  I see now that it is always my turn with you and I can stop standing aside believing that I have had your attention and must now do without.  I do not want to ask for more; I don’t want to seem greedy.  I forget that you know my heart and that you trust me.  I am going to make that a two-way street, maybe a four-lane highway.  I need help, thank you for being help full.

Love,

Sherrie

The obvious is sometimes invisible

*

ACCESS

Writing to you my Sweet,

Allows me to give what I have available

At the moment it comes into my possession.

You reading lets you invite me in,

When you are ready or willing

Possibly both.

I can store succulent treasure for you

Without the least consideration of

Freezer burn or apathy.

You are here when I want you,

Yearning and prepared

I am yours for the taking

In the classroom, the bedroom

Or even in your bath

I can whisper or shout to you.

I can rant or tell jokes to you

You can embrace or ignore me

Introduce me to your friends

Or keep me your own personal province.

We are intimates

Because I bare my soul to you

And you take me into yours.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Abraxas

 June 10

Abraxas

I was waiting for a magic person and then you appeared.  I was dazzled; I was under your spell.  In an attempt to prove myself,  your natural assistant, I sawed me in two.  Then I stepped into the vanishing cabinet and promptly disappeared.  I was not wrong to see the miraculous in you, but I never looked from your visage once you arrived.  The world around me melted at your entrance and I flowed down the drain along with it.  I somehow expected a response from you, but why respond to an empty room?  So, I will plug back into myself and power up.  Power draws power and I will see if I can draw you once again.

Keep a truce on hand for later use

*

THE LANDING

Risers and runners lift from where I stand

Here I make my decision

I climb and face the challenges of my life

Each new test returns me to this square

The steps ascend in every direction

No matter how many times I have scaled this set of twelve

I must start anew with even the slightest change of direction

Like facets on a diamonds base

The flights emerge from the tiny base

And hold the world of possibilities

Within their meticulous surface

I look into these precious mirrors

To see who I am and where to go

Though none of this would be possible

Without a place to stand.

Participant Observer

August 14

Participant Observer

Underneath it all I am more than naked; I am hidden by exposure. My body can never be as nude as life with you in my thoughts. My mind is a polygraph you wander through. I have determined this is more than safe and unlock the closets. You are not my warden looking for contraband, nor the janitor looking for trash, you are here; you are my friend having a better look around simply to know me better and to love me well. Your unfamiliar stride is exciting, I show off the places I long for you to see and stand aside from the rest; it is all yours to look through. I do not resist. You are my peaceful guardian; I am your willing charge.

Sit with impatience and sooth it

*

CAMPAIGN

Sobriety is the Santa Clause that brings delightful gifts

Which make me smile.

Recovery is the Gene

Which comes from staying out of bottles.

The Jin makes treasure possible

But doesn’t bring it to the door.

The ads and billboards of illusion built a world of booze

But no hope for a real life.

I have learned to turn from all the lies of picking up

And live in the possibilities which open

Only when I put down the drink and the thinking.

I don’t need to pin up stockings

Or rub lamps, just take direction

And make willingness my campaign.

Participant Observer

August 14

Participant Observer

Underneath it all I am more than naked; I am hidden by exposure. My body can never be as nude as life with you in my thoughts. My mind is a polygraph you wander through. I have determined this is more than safe and unlock the closets. You are not my warden looking for contraband, nor the janitor looking for trash, you are here; you are my friend having a better look around simply to know me better and to love me well. Your unfamiliar stride is exciting, I show off the places I long for you to see and stand aside from the rest; it is all yours to look through. I do not resist. You are my peaceful guardian; I am your willing charge.

Sit with impatience and sooth it

*

CAMPAIGN

Sobriety is the Santa Clause that brings delightful gifts

Which make me smile.

Recovery is the Gene

Which comes from staying out of bottles.

The Jin makes treasure possible

But doesn’t bring it to the door.

The ads and billboards of illusion built a world of booze

But no hope for a real life.

I have learned to turn from all the lies of picking up

And live in the possibilities which open

Only when I put down the drink and the thinking.

I don’t need to pin up stockings

Or rub lamps, just take direction

And make willingness my campaign.

Stumbling Under the Tenth Step

April 10

Stumbling Under the Tenth Step

When I’ve been outside of my mind it is so hard to tell when I’ve come home again. The landmarks take on such distortion in memory that the facts seem bloated or anorexic as I turn my face from side to side. Old journals remind me of old journeys and perhaps there are accurate landmarks mentioned, but how can I know for sure that these too are not just the ravings of a mind gone mad. Real or imagined I must take the daily count and try to keep the score in favor of the actual. I don’t always know that I’ve fallen until I inventory the dirt on my face, but better that I face the dirt than live the delusion of a mole.

Notice the shape of your fixtures

*

DROWNING NAKED

Bare & Exposed

I laid myself on the alter

Of my home group

AA, my only Source

I emptied the contents of my soul

And bore the mantle of overexposure

But vultures lurked in many rooms

I was safely guided by persons of my gender

To more secluded and effective place of transmission

I thrust myself into the arms and mind of my sponsor

She escorts me to the steps with the door closed

And taught me how and when it could be prudently opened

AA is a power greater than me, so is the ocean

Precaution needs to be taken when wading in

Care must be exercised as to how much to bare.

What I give you

December 13

What I give you

If I give you a piece of my mind, a piece of my heart, a piece of my liver, how do I go on in its absence? Or does it ever leave me? Is this more like an excision than segmentation? Is it similar to how I carry you with me when I catch a resentment; only in a good way? I don’t know that I can be truly divided up, but I do know that parts of me don’t belong exclusively to me anymore and I believe this is all for the better.

Zoom up to anticipation

*

HEART HANDED

I pick up the pen in my heart hand
And the blood of my soul pours onto the page.
The words coalesce and clot into binding phrases
Sealed deals with my spirits punctuation.

Some days it is hard for my mind to keep up.
The current is swift and deeper than I expect.
The pulse of energy is amazing even to the mind it feeds
.
Like clouds racing the sky this power
Brings shade to some and rain to others.
The reaction of the moistened varies.
Some pull up hoods and scurry away

Others with up turned faces form a friendship with me.
At the level of electrons, we have a molecular bonding.
We are forever changed because I have picked up the pen
And they have picked up the page.

The Story as a Stowaway

November 20

The Story as a Stowaway

I want to tell you a story, but I want to tell it to you quickly, so I can give it to you and then you can carry it on your way. For what good is my story to you if you must leave it where it lay? Your need to be elsewhere presses on us both and I wish to give you what you can take rather than to try to stall you here for an epic you might never lift and certainly not dream of dragging along. I want you to be on your way and take a part of me with you. I wish to sew myself in your mind; tether my tale to your soul. I believe in forward motion and the need to carry on. Where you’re going I can’t go on my own but I know that if I am funny, quick and lite, part of me goes even to the end of your world and my hope is to help you make it bright.

Apprentice yourself to collaboration

*

MIRACULOUS

Sometimes the blind lead the deaf.
The subtle signs are the bumping into trouble
And the inability to listen to reason.
It is an expedition into disaster.

Unfettered by common sense or boundaries
Tumbles and falls propel this pairing
To unknown destinations.
The attraction is baffling but undeniable.

These pairs can be seen through the ages.
In spite of this confounding coupling
Sometimes the blind find their way
And the deaf hear the call.

Even when they don’t life seems to roll along
But try to keep your eyes and ears open anyway.

Participant Observer

August 14

Participant Observer

Underneath it all I am more than naked; I am hidden by exposure. My body can never be as nude as life with you in my thoughts. My mind is a polygraph you wander through. I have determined this is more than safe and unlock the closets. You are not my warden looking for contraband, nor the janitor looking for trash, you are here, you are my friend having a better look around simply to know me better and to love me well. Your unfamiliar stride is exciting, I show off the places I long for you to see and stand aside from the rest, it is all yours to look through. I do not resist. You are my peaceful guardian; I am your willing charge.

Sit with impatience and sooth it

*

CAMPAIGN

Sobriety is the Santa Clause that brings delightful gifts

Which make me smile.

Recovery is the Gene

Which comes from staying out of bottles.

The Jin makes treasure possible

But doesn’t bring it to the door.

The ads and billboards of illusion built a world of booze

But no hope for a real life.

I have learned to turn from all the lies of picking up

And live in the possibilities which open

Only when I put down the drink and the thinking.

I don’t need to pin up stockings

Or rub lamps, just take direction

And make willingness my campaign.

Access

August 4

ACCESS



Writing to you, my Sweet, allows me to give what I have available at the moment it comes into my possession. You reading me lets you invite me in when you are ready or willing, possibly both. I can store succulent treasure for you without the least consideration of freezer burn or apathy. You are here when I want you, yearning and prepared. I am yours for the taking in the classroom, the bedroom, or even in your bath. I can whisper or shout to you, rant or tell jokes at you. You can embrace or ignore me, introduce me to friends or keep me your own personal province. We are intimates because I bare my soul to you and you take me into yours.


Recommend your assets.