Crazy

March 30

CRAZY

I try on crazy, the way I sometimes get out the jump rope, and see if all those muscles still work.  The unemployed, unexploited, fallow nature of my once fertile insanity saddens me in an odd way.  Today is a place I stand in stiff comfort, though it has taken concerted effort to get here.  There are days I slip from reality, the way I can slip off a chair. I no longer allow myself to lounge on the floor.  Pride is not so much the issue as hygiene.  Crazy is bad for my health.  I gave it up like cigarettes or romance novels; I don’t have enough time or insurance for these dalliances, though I do remember them all with fondness.

Allow yourself a favorite spoon.

*

Face and Ass

“It is hard to save your face

and save your ass at the same time.”

What I haven’t tried

in an attempt to live my life as a showman

spotlight front and center.

What I wouldn’t sacrifice to keep

peace and image intact,

but in the end it was just that,

my end, that saved me from

a life chasing prevention of defacement.

I can’t live with the posture of an ostrich

it leaves so much at risk.

Hiding my face won’t protect it

no matter how much I wish it would.

I have to put my butt in a seat,

a seat up front where folks get to know my face.

I have to try my best yet still make mistakes

and let people know my ass as well.

Being a part of AA saves my behind,

once that is cosseted

my face might just get its day in the sun.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Amends

January 28

AMENDS

Amends is about truth and change.  The relationships of my past were places of little truth and even less change.  I tried to be nice not honest; I tried to keep things going even when they needed to die.  Making amends has ended most of my relationships from the past.  A quick strong 10^th step keeps me from starting too many new ones.  Good healthy relationships require time and attention, so this necessitates a short list.  Sometimes I wish for more quantity, but I realize in sobriety I cannot accept less quality.

Tie your shoes with humor.

*

Simplicity Itself

My life runs at a Gilbert and Sullivan pace,

with about as much sense and comic relief.

You say 'keep it simple'

and my disease says 'why ruin a good play?’

The truth is this is not play at all

but a work that consumes my life from me

and doesn't thank me for my time.

Simplicity for me requires respect,

a gift I selectively give myself

a gift that I often use only as a shield during battle.

My past method of increased self-respect

is life in a war zone, this is no solution.

Release of grief, this is the onerous path I avoid taking.

Purging the wrong thinking and action of others

from my blood, my eyes, my skin,

allows me to lift my chin and square my soul.

To plumb and level living,

don self-respect as a birth right

and set a calendar fit for plausible life, a simple life.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Estranged

May 28

Estranged

After long years I have made my own acquaintance, friendship is on a far distant shore.  I know who I am and can recognize myself on the street or in a crowded room.  I have a legitimate sense of wariness of the afore mentioned persona, nothing too nasty, just a discomfort.  She is not someone I would bring home, maybe not even share a meal with but I can stand her, minus intimacy, minus any deep empathy.  I feel an awkwardness in acknowledging her, strange as this might sound, she is no one to be ashamed of, not a truly bad actor and yet the reports say she doesn’t live up to her potential and I have it on personal authority that she actually surpasses it on most days and keeps this a closely held confidence.  And there it is, I know her secrets but I don’t keep her.  This is what makes me strange and her stranger.  

Catch your reflection in the eyes of a friend

*

THE ONE I BOUGHT

There are fairy tales I never gave credence to

Multiple bear stories don’t move me

Cats with footwear have not warranted a second thought.

True love-----------

Now that one I still buy

Hook line and sinker.

Work hard---------

And true love will fix the rest

That is what I have always believed.

The evil spell I have walked under

During my sad little life will be broken

Only by the durable and fulfilling love of my betrothed.

Each time this plan fell through

The blame was left to the wrongness of the match

But not the wrongness of the plot

Anytime I work to be restored to sanity by one person

I have displaced a rightful power

And thrown myself to the sea.

The Order

March 25

THE ORDER

I can’t expect delivery if I haven’t placed the order. I never seem to know what I want until after I have accepted something else. I can remember thinking order meant procedure not procurement---set the table, not end my hunger. I focused on rational intent and turned my face from desire. Assailing outcomes leads to disappointments. Asking for a hole to be filled may cause dumping not management or conservation. It’s good to have a plan before signing the requisition. Please help me know who I am, so I will know what I want, so I can make a request and stop accepting orders of attack. Don’t let me order the end while I am still at the beginning.

Self-respect is the gift you bring to everyone.

*

Whirly Gigs

Pivot points and reference points

subtlety disguised as harmless bric-a-brac

escape my comprehension until I either stumble

or land on one or the other and ponder the affect.

Realization that much of my life’s contentment

hinges like a door shocks me,

though I don’t know why it should.

Isn’t it the way of things that it all turns on a whim

or at the very least hangs on fine gauged calculation?

I am not the capricious vixen I accuse myself of;

I am however human

and given to a certain amount of fickle fussy frenzy

which all reckons out given enough perspective and wit.