Roles

May 9

ROLES

“You don’t have to give up playing God because it was a bad thing to do," said my sponsor in her most gentle voice.  “You have to give it up because it doesn’t work.  In a world seemingly spinning out of control, you, brave child, stepped up to the plate and took a swing.  That is heroic, not demonic, but impractical nevertheless.  You have to be your own full-time job even when it feels like there are other jobs left unfilled.  You don’t have to run around finding the feet that fit those empty shoes, either.  Maybe those empty shoes are just bait for a bad trap.  Keep on your journey and I think you will come to a place where the work is being accomplished by a surprising cast of characters.  You will be free to stick to the role ahead of you.”

Taste your thoughts carefully and spit out the rancid ones.

*

Out Standing in My Field

Trying to remove expectations is like trying to unseed a field;

it is damn near impossible until something crops up,

though when it does I must act swiftly lest things take root.

Tedious as it is weeding the fields

of unreasonable expectancy saves me from

so much frustration later on.

I don’t recognize it

but expectations are like little dictators forever ruling me,

leaving no room for God or direction,

not to mention flexibility or change.

Tap roots dive for the vein

and my life depends on fleet elimination of unsuitable desire.

I can want. I can strive.

I can not leave expectations to grow in my garden.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Calibrate Coincidence

March 27

CALIBRATE COINCIDENCE

Do good.  Do right.  Line up with the next correct movement.  Get the universe locked into the sprockets of my desires and make the miracles flow in my direction.  Ah, the boy scout merit badge of sobriety.  I force spiritual alchemy through the pasta maker of my small life expecting gold.  And where is God?  Where is the realness of reality?  Where is my place in this hairy mess?  Well, who knows?  Am I the wizard?  The Chemist?  The mechanic of the galaxy?  Though I wish and hope, in truth, I am not the one who calibrates coincidence.  I am the receiver of.

Date your recovery.

*

Feelings/Facts

Delay is when I don’t deal with the tack,

don’t deal with the finish nail,

land up with a 12 penny in my heel

and think about waiting for the railroad spike.

Rebellion is when I run through the razor-wire fence

expecting to make a clean get away.

If I don’t socialize my problems when they are puppies

all hope is lost when faced with the big dogs.

Exiting out the fifth story window is suicide in fact,

but in my thinking I am merely rebelling.

Willingness and cooperation make a dynamic duo;

powerful combatants of delay, rebellion,

and many other joy killing, life stealing foes.

A life led with cooperation and willingness

is not necessarily perfection,

but it often feels that way.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Jane Street

April 30

Jane Street

The space between wanting to live and not wanting to hurt is the alley in which I live.  This lane is not as narrow as you might think, in some places there is room for parking on one side.  Since I reside here more often than not I have filled it with many of the appliances, which allow me to pretend at life.  It doesn’t afford a truly clean or cheerful locale, but there are laughs, sometimes flowers in the spring.  Finding my way out of this is tricky.  When unlocked I find these are backdoors to commerce and though better than being sold wholesale, retail is not what I was hoping to find as I wrest myself from a confined existence.  I have heard of those who drive through   plate glass ignoring the structure.  I think this is less workable from the back.  What is left when I can’t bully or climb?  I guess I will have to throw my hands up and pray.

Acknowledge a myth about yourself

*

ROLES

You don’t have to give up playing God

Because it was a bad thing to do.

You have to give it up because it doesn’t work

Said my sponsor in her most gentle voice.

In a world seemingly spinning out of control

You, brave child, stepped up to the plate and took a swing

That is heroic not demonic

But impractical nevertheless

You have to be your own full-time job

Even when it feels like there are other jobs left unfilled

You don’t have to run around finding the feet

To fill those empty shoes

Maybe those empty shoes are just bait for a bad trap

Keep on your journey and you will come to a place where the work

Is being accomplished by a surprising cast of characters

You will be free to stick to the role ahead of you.

Recognition

February 10

Recognition

All I have are these two hands; I can not lift the world

All I have are these two legs; I can not flee the hoards

All I have is this one heart though need and want prevail

All that’s left is this one mind to try to tell this tale.

Everything in this bright orb is there for me to see

Everything laid out before me all that I can be

Everything that I perceive as wrong and know it in my heart

Everything I think to touch and change believing it’s my art

Once I take the giant reins acceptance escapes the scene

Once the fates are in my grasp chaos is the theme

Once the sight of my right place is lost from in my mind

Once I try to fill the great big shoes is the day that I go blind.

Prune expectation with open-mindedness

*

DON'T BE A FRAUD

Fake it till you make it is like saying,
Keep drinking till you get sober, complains my sponsor.
But what about the things I can't do yet?
You work on them, that's all, you work.

You adjust your attitude.
Practice the steps.
Carry your behind to meetings,
And talk to me and others in your network.

Yeah, that sounds like a breeze.
It's easier than staying sober while lying.
In this program we try to stay honest
And in the moment.

Pretending to feel differently than you do
Defeats your ability to be present
And makes it hard for people to trust you.
But it's so awkward, I grumble.

Which is why we of the alcoholic persuasion,
Try to find short cuts but don't get sucked into them.
Tell the truth and do the hard work of sobriety and
Stay away from people who try to sell you a Softer Way.

Roles

May 10

ROLES

“You don’t have to give up playing God because it was a bad thing to do," said my sponsor in her most gentle voice.  “You have to give it up because it doesn’t work.  In a world seemingly spinning out of control, you, brave child, stepped up to the plate and took a swing.  That is heroic, not demonic, but impractical nevertheless.  You have to be your own full-time job even when it feels like there are other jobs left unfilled.  You don’t have to run around finding the feet that fit those empty shoes, either.  Maybe those empty shoes are just bait for a bad trap.  Keep on your journey and I think you will come to a place where the work is being accomplished by a surprising cast of characters.  You will be free to stick to the role ahead of you.”

Taste your thoughts carefully and spit out the rancid ones.

*

Out Standing in My Field

Trying to remove expectations is like trying to unseed a field;

it is damn near impossible until something crops up,

though when it does I must act swiftly lest things take root.

Tedious as it is weeding the fields

of unreasonable expectancy saves me from

so much frustration later on.

I don’t recognize it

but expectations are like little dictators forever ruling me,

leaving no room for God or direction,

not to mention flexibility or change.

Tap roots dive for the vein

and my life depends on fleet elimination of unsuitable desire.

I can want. I can strive.

I can not leave expectations to grow in my garden.

Unified Theory

February 11

UNIFIED THEORY

When I build the circuit correctly the light comes on. When I heal the shards together the bell rings. If I am meticulous and attentive, if the world is gracious and bares herself to my mind, I will see how everything fits. I know the reflexive nature of things, and the way life folds one thing inside the other. Whale song is a long slow underwater birdcall. Moon rise, sun rise, then the moon again. The universe works without my interference but also without my complete understanding. I am learning how to be a part of this beautiful maze; I long to comprehend it. The weeds are trying to take back the city. If I lay down maybe they will take me back, too. If I keep my eyes open I might see it all unfold. Conception without is my desire within.

Make emotional bouquets for your mind.

*

Recognition

All I have are these two hands

I can not lift the world

All I have are these two legs

I can not flee the hoards

All I have is this one heart

though need and want prevail

All that’s left is this one mind

to try to tell this tale.

Everything in this bright orb

is there for me to see

Everything laid out before me

all that I can be

Everything that I perceive as wrong

and know it in my heart

Everything I think to touch

and change believing it’s my art

Once I take the giant reins

acceptance escapes the scene

Once the fates are in my grasp

chaos is the theme

Once the sight of my right place

is lost from in my mind

Once I try to fill the great big shoes

is the day that I go blind.

Who is the Parent?

November 18

Who is the Parent?

There are more liars in my head than anywhere else and they will say the most errant nonsense, making it sound totally convincing. First of all they use other people’s inventories to leverage me into believing that I am just what is needed to lift each person’s universe from despair; then they insist that my life will be incomplete until I have saved nations and secured borders, all the while failing to mention the deadly nature of these attempts. None of this is a problem unless I listen. Liars’ lying causes me no trouble until I accept and act on this bunk. This is where a thorough inventory saves the day. When I am clear about the truth of who and what I am I can’t be easily led astray. I know I am G-d’s child and the resemblance can be strong, but today that burden is not mine to carry, so I can stay busy being me.

Cheap advice comes from thinking; dear advice comes from experience

*

LIBERTY, HOPE?

If you had to choose would it be liberty or hope?
Liberty is highly recommended but without hope
How would you know you were at liberty?

Transversely if you had no liberty
How could you have hope?
Removal of liberty removes the possibility of hope.

So why ask for a choice to be made.
Well that’s the joy of liberty, I am free to ask anything,
And you are free to imagine anything and hope for more.

Here Kitty Kitty

September 2

Here Kitty Kitty

Litter training the lynx seems like a good idea until it is accomplished and all concerned are less for the accomplishment. Domesticity is a transparent cage, which has a presence felt by all whether loved or hated. The air is changed and the cat stifles, everyone is safer, so it is said, but what are we safer from? And what is a broken lynx, certainly not a house cat?

Peer under obstacles then climb over

*

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Just because the crows fly away when I arrive

doesn’t mean they are afraid

but they might be.

The obvious answers are usually the correct ones

but I must leave room for the unlikely answers too.

Sometimes a spade is a shovel

and a gofer is occasionally a retriever.

The world is a wonderful and fearful place

where possibilities are endless

if I am willing to allow the light

to strike these sheltered doubts.

Any day---any where --an alcoholic can stay drunk

or get sober.

What are We Fighting For?

August 5

What are We Fighting For

Instead of competition for dominance we would benefit from cooperation for survival. The struggle to become the very best destroyers in the world very well might make us postmortem champions. Why is it that the lions don’t work to eradiate hyenas? They could, but they don’t. Why not, is the ever present question on my mind. I have no answer as to why we strive to conquer. A thousand platitudes come to mind, but nothing fast or tight, nothing that holds water. So, the question remains; why are we hell bent?

Welcome help

*

MY TALE

I must be my own tattletale.

I must give my sponsor bullets to shoot down my disease

Anything I nurture and protect will grow and take me over.

It is up to me to choose if I will feed my ailment or my health

My life will be consumed that is a guarantee,

All things feed into others.

The direction this meal takes is my daily decision.

The bull’s eye can be hit if I describe the target.

The ending will be happy if the story I tell is my own.

Origami

September 1

ORIGAMI


I fold my reality like origami, each day a shape to suit my whim. A dog when I feel like begging. A horse when I want to trot away. A pot to brew up some potion. A penguin when I feel cold and I stand on my egg all day. I can bend and flex, change my image, but in the end I am truly flat and lifeless, a construct of imagination, but soulless and boring. Reality cannot be my creation made in the accordion of my mind. Truth and breath come like the wind and I need to let them change direction and change me, too.


Turn right both ways.

Doll

June 5

DOLL

“Why is your face all red?” asked my sponsor.
“I didn’t get my way,” I responded.
“And this crimson appearance is the result?”
“You see that it is. I was very careful about what I wanted and worked hard to be reasonable.”
“And Baby, you were. You did nothing wrong. Your ego was in check and you kept your expectations in proportion.” said my sponsor.
“Then why didn’t it work out my way?”
“I only have a sad and simple answer for you. The result had nothing to do with you, your wants, expectations or desires. The whole experience boils down to only one thing: It was not that type of party, Doll.”
“Oh.”


Promise yourself tears like rain and smiles like sunshine.

Mail

May 16

MAIL


I form my query, fold my mind and mail it off to God with a stamp of approval from my sponsor. The questions sent are of no great interest but the responses are a spellbinding group. What is returned unopened is a wide array. The circuitous route taken by some is a charm of elucidation. I rub my fingertip over the intact seals and marvel at the travels of the wax. I mourn over the defunked gods and their public relations organizations. Slow is my resolve to pore over the replies. I get easily caught in lackings and shy from true contact. The equations embedded in my heart read the letters and sing the notes; these songs are just for me. I know them like my name. I turn the envelope and see how old the postmark is.


Remember your comfort needs a life of its own.

The 24 Hour God

May 10

THE 24 HOUR GOD


Matching a loving God to the horrors of my past has proved impossible for me. Projecting a connection to an all-powerful God of the ever-foreshortening future seems implausible. In today, I see a nurturing God. Not an all purpose God, not a God who serves all. In my life, there is a God I trust today. Each morning, when I wake, it is a pleasant surprise to find a God. Not an expansive God, not a God to fit the continuum, but a nice neat God who fits right in this 24.


Lift your fingers to your scars and feel the gratitude.

Roles

May 9

ROLES


“You don’t have to give up playing God because it was a bad thing to do," said my sponsor in her most gentle voice. “You have to give it up because it doesn’t work. In a world seemingly spinning out of control, you, brave child, stepped up to the plate and took a swing. That is heroic, not demonic, but impractical nevertheless. You have to be your own full-time job even when it feels like there are other jobs left unfilled. You don’t have to run around finding the feet that fit those empty shoes, either. Maybe those empty shoes are just bait for a bad trap. Keep on your journey and I think you will come to a place where the work is being accomplished by a surprising cast of characters. You will be free to stick to the role ahead of you.”


Taste your thoughts carefully and spit out the rancid ones.