Trojan Person

May 25

TROJAN PERSON

I feel confused by the difference between love and war.  The intensity and rush are too much for my frazzled and betrayed emotions to sort out.  I feel like a Trojan person.  I have all these children holed up inside and they are waiting for peace and safety so they can come out and sleep.  For a time I allowed them to leave for bathroom breaks, one at a time. This was not a workable solution.  When these tykes would have a look around, they started to set fires and break hearts.  Each child makes life a battleground, fights and claws her way across the living landscape.  I must heal my insides from the center of my thoughts, not send fragments of me to blend with the unfamiliar and hostile world.  Only when I can stand together with my mind and heart safe within my being will I see a way to make love on my own and leave war alone.

Shuffle your vocabulary.

*

ROUSs

Time passes, I clock it and count it

and use its passage to construct a defense

or accusation depending on my need.

I use the calendar to condemn you

because my feelings do not have sufficient leverage

for my mental calculations.

To prize disappointment from this scene

I watch the water-clock waiting for adequate drops

to lift the flood gate and free me

from your unfulfilled promise and my unrealized hope.

How long is too long to stand in a quagmire?

Why do I feel the need for permission

to leave the quicksand?