Believe

February 27

BELIEVE

Listening to what people say is a half waste of time; believing it is a full waste of time.  Truth wills out in behavior.  No matter what is said, what is done is the real deal.  What is done over time is the final test and the things which are repeated, resounding from one generation to the next, are to be counted on.  Believing in told truths is a snare and delusion, the trap of all traps.

If your sponsor has a sponsor you may sleep at night.  If your sponsor works with that sponsor you can sleep soundly.  Doing the right things, doing them over and over again, doing them with others, your group, your friends, your sponsees, will make you believable.  I can think of nothing else that will.

Tickle your age and laugh with it.

*

The Resentment of an Acorn

Because no one believed

that I was a giant oak inside,

I had to prove it and drop my little cap

and leave my shell behind.

Now I stand big and tall,

alone, board feet to the sky.

I have lost my portability in my quest

for the recognition of my potential.

My amazing growth painful due to its cause;

poor mental health is a bitter road to achievement.

As I stand head and shoulders

above the undulating canopy

reflection comes on a sweet breeze.

Am I sorry I’m here, it could have been worse,

could have been eaten by a squirrel

or glued endlessly to a third-grade art project

“my walk through the woods”

Bugs could have gotten me,

though that looms even now.

I could have disintegrated, lost my power and integrity.

Whatever the driver I am appreciative of the destination,

there were many darker roads on that map.

It’s good to be here.  I

It’s good to be anywhere sober.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

My Mother's Face

January 29

MY MOTHER’S FACE

The way that age pours down my mother's face when she is sad reminds me that grief runs through my blood.  Generation after generation has been transfused with anxious woe.  Heartbreak vexes minds full of fear.  There is no easy way to round the bend on sharp pointed issues; the route is circuitous.  I battle the chaotic thinking to fight my way back to a place where my mother’s eyes sparkle as they squint closed with her smile.  The war of peace is not easily won by contemporaries.  We must close ranks between the ages to keep the joy from sheeting off our skin and keep the sadness in proportion.  Restore us to our possible bliss; we can overtake ecstasy from there.

Build ladders for the boxes that confine you.

*

Sponsorship

Right now, as I think of sponsorship,

I think of all the things I have done wrong.

Times when I was not understanding enough

and times when I was too understanding and enabling.

Sponsors I chose for ulterior motives

and the ones I didn't challenge when they wandered away.

I search my mind for the ingredients

that were in the mix when things went well

and the dominant component was willingness, mine and theirs.

Whether I was sponsor or sponsee,

willingness overrode ability, determination and love.

We had to come to the table willing,

this was never something we were able to cook up or construct.

Nor is it something I can always hold onto,

sometimes willingness evaporates

or slips away like sand in a clenched fist.

The permanence and impermanence

of sponsorship awes and frightens me.

Like a guidewire twisted from many strands

none of which reaches from end to end

I worry about the unraveling but depend on the strength.

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Peter and I

December 16

Peter and I

This flight is not filled with the giggling cherubs of my westerly flight, but among the solemn children on this flight is Peter, the oldest of four, who is reading Tolkien and marking his place with a two page wish list.  Christmas is coming and Peter seems confident.  I wonder if we are what we read and ponder if I am what I write.  Poetry, stories, novels, declarations, it all feels like arms and legs, things I cannot move right without.  I live better when they are out and free.  I am free too, when they live on their own and I am not their soul residence.  I have to rededicate myself to the work entrusted to me for so many lives depend upon it.

Treat a book to a day out

*

RELAPSE IS NOT REQUIRED

Relapse is not required - said my sponsor
Though at some meetings they make it seem appealing
All that ‘prodigal drunk’ treatment.

Well so far I’m living in the blessing
Of being convinced the first time- I told her
Plus what could possibly be out there
That’s better than what’s in here?

That is the point
There is so much out there that is faster and bigger
More dramatic and extreme
But I sure have never see anything better.

She patted my head and I grinned
Since I am winning the first time
Why would I want to lose?
I add just to overstate her point.

This is the perfect place for those who want it
And all the rest get drunk
But drinking is not required
Any more than Santa has to come on Christmas.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Bowman Beach

October 17

Bowman Beach

The swirl with the flash of teeth that I backed away from turned out to be dolphin, but that didn’t make me safer, strangers are strangers no matter who their PR team is.  When I am out of my element fear grows long leads and I am bound by these limits.  Who I am under new circumstances is a discovery I make as time flies by.  Can I swim and play with exuberance or will I drown trying to catch up?  I am able and disabled, the line is tied from the back and I don’t know its length.  I unreel as much slack as I can and test my reach, but still I must keep my wary eye and be careful of the deep.

Think of something nice to say about a pigeon

*

MISS DIRECTED

I called and rambled at my sponsor.
After a significant time had past she stopped me
And asked--with a tone in her voice--
Why are you calling me?

Startled I replied, for your advice?
Are you sure that’s why you called?
Because I can give you my advice
But I have given advice to you before
And received only a severe case of the
Yeah Buts’-----in return.

I was about to say, yeah but, you don’t understand,
When she cleared her throat to quiet me
And continued what she was saying.
Seems to me you want more than a sober ear
You want Magic.

You want me to take your crazy dramatic thinking
Put it in a hat and pull it out formed as all your dreams
And then you want credit for making it happen.
But Kitten, I have news for you I’m not Mr. Roark
And this is not Fantasy Island.

This is sobriety and you can’t just have your way.
This is when I realized I was a dry drunk.
I don’t know what the first signs are
But I do know when your sponsor asks-
And you’re calling me why? The jig is up.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Go Where it's Warm

August 17

Go where it’s warm

The intangible rightness of cohesion is difficult to explain.  What is it that makes a group congregating into a congregation?  What makes a rag tag tousle into a home group?  It is the thing I yearn for, but dare not chase.  I know this too makes a grub into a butterfly, yet private transformation seems necessary, where the change of masses is gratuitous.  A thousand geese fly overhead; arrows of individual miracles, pointing the way to the meaning of it all.

Score your rhythm so you can reflect the music of your soul

*

THE DREAMER

What about the dreamer?

What about her, responds my sponsor.

You ask me about her like I was the one

Who pushed her off the cliff.

Are you saying I pushed her,

I questioned my sponsor.

Yes, that is just what I am saying.

Do you need me to sing it?

You wanted the dreamer to fly off,

To safety and happiness

And wanted her to take you with her.

In an attempt to grab hold of her ankles

And propel her to heaven

You threw her off the precipice.

Now she is broken and bleeding

Far from your sight

Your dreamer is damaged

And you ask about her?

Do you want to know what you did

And how to remedy it

Or were you looking to duck responsibility?

QUACK------

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

T before S

August 11

T before S

When happiness is hard work I have to learn to look for the lie.  There must be a lie for happiness flows unrestrained when not dammed.  What was built too far up river for me to see, dries out my once liquid existence; leaving me to flounder in the shallows.  I can’t allow myself to flop in the muck of waters muddied with deceit.  I will permit myself to look for clear bright prospects from melting glaciers and accustom myself to the invigoration of a life lived under a loving watchful eye.

Keep water near by

*

KILLER SQUIRRELS

AND OTHER SOBER DRAMA

I can tell you stories to make your hair curl.

Death defying fifth steps,

Speaking commitments with microphoned podiums,

Sponsees with killer squirrels trapped in the house.

The courage and sheer determination

Needed to face plague, after crisis, after pestilence

And yet sober mind and willing heart these travails

Are surmounted and we live on.

Tears turn to laughter with rescue and remedy

How strong we feel as the cape is passed

When one time panic prone sponsees

Become the model of calm and stable sponsors.

Hoards of relatives at holidays,

Interaction with bankers, police officers

And all manner of people in shiny shoes

Are handled with grace and boundaries.

Porch loving skunks, children becoming teenagers,

Are faced with humor and wit.

Things which in years gone by would have sent us screaming

To the phone are now casual asides during after meeting discussion.

Life does keep spinning on

But we learn how to stand still.

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault